I really thought all the drama between Nick and Vanessa was an edit to try to throw us off the fact that Nick was obviously going to choose Vanessa but WOW. I’ve never seen a couple that unhappy at an ATFR. All they talked about was how challenging their relationship was, how “passionate” they both are, and how they’d fought… but it’s totally worth it because they really, really, REALLY hate each other’s guts but are staying together for the money love each other.
They didn’t even watch back their engagement. Did you notice that? The couple always watches the “most romantic moment of their lives” on the ATFR but Nick and Vanessa? Nope.
I thought this podcast of Reality Steve and Sharleen Joynt provided a really interesting analysis of what the couple’s prospects are. Reality Steve thinks they don’t have a snowball’s shot in hell and Sharleen thinks they’re just being realistic.
It’s a two hour podcast but if you’re fascinated by Sharleen and curious about Nick and his intentions in going on reality TV to find love, it’s worth a listen. All of it is opinion but it’s more informed opinion than us out here in the peanut gallery are capable of having. http://realitysteve.com/2017/03/15/the-bachelor-nick-spoilers-podcast-17-sharleen-joynt/
I do get Sharleen’s perspective that Nick and Vanessa are realists and they definitely presented a more realistic point of view about their relationship than most couples who sit on the couch at the ATFR and gush about how in love they are only to break up three months later.
BUT I am also a realist. I am very pragmatic when it comes to my relationships and I understand that sometimes we’re going to fight and sometimes one or both of us is going to have a really rough time and not be able to be as participatory in the relationship as we would like to be. Life is rough and a relationship is not a solution to life being hard, it only makes the rough times easier to get through if you have the right partner.
Right now, I have a good partner and we do fight from time to time and we have relationship issues that are hard on both of us. But if someone were to ask me how things were going, I wouldn’t sit there and talk about all the ways in which the relationship is challenging and not everything I imagined it was going to be. I would say that I love my boyfriend and we have a great relationship because we DO. Announcing that we have problems is stating the obvious. All relationships have problems.
What I felt Nick and Vanessa were doing was trying to manage expectations. When realists feel things aren’t going as they hoped or wanted them to go but are in denial about it, this is what they do to ensure they can still believe they are being 100% honest so they’re able to look themselves in the mirror. It’s really a defense mechanism against one’s inner critic and an indication that the “honest” realist is making excuses for why they’re not accepting what they know to be true.
I know because I’ve done it a million times in past relationships. If someone told me how great a couple me and one of my exes made, I’d always be like, “Slow your roll. Not everything is as it appears.” I’d either say something out loud so that person wouldn’t get too attached to the idea of us being together or it would get my inner critic worrying and obsessing about all the things I couldn’t tolerate about the person I was with and wondering if I was being true to myself and fair to my partner.
Really, all those thoughts should have been red flags that I wasn’t with the right person but I had them in every single relationship up until the one I’m in now.
So my gut is telling me that Nick and Vanessa aren’t working out the way that either of them hoped. They did seem happier in other interviews I watched but there’s no ignoring the ATFR.
I hope that I’m wrong because I like both of them and I want them to be happy but I don’t think they’re going to make it. I think they both want too much from a relationship and aren’t as realistic as they think they are. Vanessa is only 29 after all and probably still has overly idealistic notions of what love should be. And despite Nick and Vanessa insisting that they’re taking baby steps, Vanessa is moving to L.A.
That’s a huge sacrifice for her and is in no way a baby step. She’s going to be all kinds of resentful if she uprooted her life for Nick and it doesn’t work out. And I didn’t see any evidence that Nick fully appreciated what Vanessa was doing for him to give the relationship a chance.
HOWEVER, I don’t think Nick made a mistake in choosing Vanessa. I think Vanessa is the ONLY one of the girls this season who could have been right for him. She was the only one who was his type who challenged him emotionally and intellectually which, if you’re an intellectual, is absolutely non-negotiable. She was the best option, just maybe not THE ONE.
I have also felt for a long time that Nick is on the wrong path for finding love. I think he is currently obsessed with the limelight and it’s a very shallow pursuit for someone who is as self-aware and intelligent as I think Nick is at his core.
He claims to not want to be famous but then how does one explain him going on reality dating shows four times and then immediately jumping into doing Dancing with the Stars right after the fourth one ends? If he were really looking for love and he thought Vanessa was the one, wouldn’t he take time off now to nurture his relationship with her? I understand he’s getting paid to do the show and he’s gotta make a living but if he and Vanessa are on shaky ground, it doesn’t seem like the best idea.
On top of that, he’s starting a men’s skincare line. I would like to know which publicist or manager who’s making money off of kissing his ass told him that was a good idea. The market for such products is incredibly small and Nick doesn’t have near the fame required to pull something like that off.
And also, let’s not forget, Nick’s primary audience is women. Does he not realize this? If he were going to start a business, he should have gone with one that targeted women. My personal opinion is he should have started a relationship blog where he wrote his thoughts about The Bachelor franchise and transitioned from that to doing general relationship analysis and support. From there, if he were successful and gained a significant following outside of just Bachelor fans, he could have transitioned to having his own TV show and cemented his place in Hollywood.
Maybe that’s not a path he wanted to pursue, I don’t know. I don’t think anyone should pursue something they aren’t passionate about but I also think people should be realistic about what they ARE passionate about and I just don’t see him making it with the skincare idea.
Everything about what Nick is doing with his life from repeatedly going on reality TV to find love, to ignoring his fans on Twitter and responding primarily to people who have significant Twitter followings, to posting shirtless pics that make him seem like a self-involved douche, to failing to recognize who his audience is and trying to build a brand dedicated to a product his audience won’t buy, to not expressing sincere gratitude and appreciation for where he’s at right now, make me think this man is on the absolute wrong path.
When people are on the wrong path, they don’t find love and their efforts fail. I really want to be wrong about this because I don’t want to see Nick suffer or fail because at his core, I believe he is a decent, sincere, and sensitive person. But I can’t pretend I don’t see what I see.
And that has been the crux of my conflicted feelings about Nick Viall. I wanted him to be the iconoclast who went after what he wanted and didn’t give a damn what other people thought of him that I was introduced to on Andi’s season but I don’t know now how much of that was real. A good portion of it must be real because you can’t fake it. But there’s always this question mark in my mind with regard to Nick and I can’t possibly get answers unless I meet him in person which is bloody unlikely to ever occur.
But that doesn’t stop me from trying to get answers through other means because well, frankly, I don’t know why. I guess I’m just intrigued because I see a lot of myself in him. It’s not typical that I see myself in other people. It’s also that I’m fascinated by psychology and the different kinds of people that exist in the world.
I continue to get second and third hand information about him from time to time which keeps the questions alive. We both live in the same city now so we’re probably at most 2 degrees of separation away from each other according to Kevin Bacon rules. I am actually only one degree of separation from Kevin Bacon. I was surprised when I found that out.
Anyway, now that the season is over, my obsession with finding the missing pieces of the Nick Viall puzzle will go dormant again. I know I must seem a little crazy for putting so much thought into trying to figure out who some stranger is but that’s how I do. Trust me when I say that Nick isn’t the only one. I have scared people who I actually know in person with my intensity.
In my mind, I think everyone should just be an open book and talk about their deepest darkest secrets without fear because we’re all human and so there’s really nothing we shouldn’t be able to talk about or handle hearing from other people. But then when I act on that expectation, I often find myself freaking people the f*ck out. I either share way more or feel way more than people think is normal or ask questions that people think are too personal and they get offended.
How Accurate Were My Night One Predictions?
On night one, I said that Danielle L., Danielle M., Vanessa, and Rachel would be the final four with Raven as an alternate. So I got 3ish out of 4 right. Who could have predicted Corinne would make it to final 4?
I predicted Vanessa or Danielle L. would be the winner. I got that right.
I predicted that Vanessa or Danielle L. would be the next Bachelorette depending on who Nick chose. I was wrong about that but I did say I thought they wanted a minority Bachelorette because they missed their shot with Caila last year. I said that Danielle L. or Rachel could fill that role but I didn’t think it would be Rachel because I didn’t think America was ready for a black lead. So I considered Rachel even if I didn’t think she would be chosen. So I was only mostly wrong, not completely.
- I got 3ish of 4 of the top 4
- I chose the winner
- I got the Bachelorette wrong but thought the producers wanted a minority lead which I was right about
Overall, I think I did a pretty good job at predicting.
Oh yeah. I hope they have some better guys lined up for Rachel. I was not impressed AT ALL with any of the men they previewed at the ATFR. None of them are good enough for her.
I’ll keep you posted on whether I’ll be back next season. No matter what happens, I love you all and I’m so grateful to everyone who has commented and kept me going during the past two years. You have no idea what it has meant to me to be able to reach out to people and have you guys reach back.
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Check out these other blogs I think you’ll enjoy:
All the Pretty Pandas – Sharleen maintains two blogs. This one is more in-depth than the Flare blog and also gives you an inside look at the fashion on the show. If you’re interested in the looks the women wear on the show, definitely check it out.
Therese Odell’s blog – Spoiler free and if you like snark, you will love Therese.
OfficeStace.com – She does a nice, short and to the point spoiler-free recap.
IHateGreenBeans.com – Thorough, spoiler-free recaps by Lincee. Super nice lady too!
Some Guy in Austin – Spoiler-free guy’s perspective on the shows.
BachelorBurnbook.com – A compilation of the funniest tweets about all things Bachelor.
Reality Steve – SPOILER ALERT! Reality Steve is pretty caustic but love him or hate him, he’s entertaining and he’s the only truly accurate source for spoilers and “dirt” on contestants.
Sharleen Joynt’s Blog – Sharleen Joynt is the absolute bomb. She’s by far my favorite former Bachelor/ette contestant of all time. So glad I was finally able to find her blog to share with you guys. She is unsurprisingly the most insightful blogger about the Bachelor/ette/IP franchise.