Dolphin Enthusiast Doesn't Know the Difference Between a Dolphin and a Shark
Dolphin Enthusiast Doesn't Know the Difference Between a Dolphin and a Shark

Bachelor 2017 Recap Episode 1 Coming Soon

Hi, everyone.

I wanted to let you all know that I will be covering Nick’s season of The Bachelor and I will be posting my full recap later in the week. I just have one thing to say as a preview: IT WAS A F*CKING SHARK COSTUME!!!

Can we get some science education up in this bitch?

Dolphins don’t have gills. Dolphins are sea mammals. They are cetaceans. This family includes whales, porpoises, dolphins, and killer whales. They breathe air through blowholes on top of their heads. They can stay submerged under water for very long periods of time varying from 15 minutes to an hour depending on the species but they will drown if they don’t surface for air. Sharks are fish. They breathe through their gills which extract oxygen directly from water. They do not have to surface to breathe. They CAN’T breathe air (remember, they’re fish!).

Nick Viall giving rose to girl in Shark/Dolphin costume
DEBATE. OVER.

Now that the science lecture is over on to some other important business…

Before I put my bitch cap back on for the season and start taking the contestants and producers to task for their foibles, I want people to understand that what I’m sharing with you are my dark and irreverent thoughts about this franchise. I don’t feel any genuine ill will toward people I don’t know (or 99.9% of people in general).

The reason I bring this up is because I’m concerned about the level of schadenfreude (scha·den·freu·de /ˈSHädənˌfroidə/ noun. pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune) that has gripped this nation in the last year because of the heated political climate.

I don’t really care who you voted for but I don’t want anyone to think that my rejection of political correctness is somehow an embrace of indecency and contempt for my fellow humans. I follow my readers on Twitter and because of that, I know that some of you have different political views than I do. That’s fine. But I caught one person being really cruel to the losing presidential candidate and I have no patience for that sh*t. You and I are not simpatico if you think it’s okay to be cruel to people you disagree with.

Running for president is a lot of work and the stakes are huge. Can you even imagine the pain a person would feel over such a huge loss? And then some people think it’s cool to mock that person and their supporters? Why? Because that’s how we do in this country now that we have the internet where we can cut people down without ever having to look them in the eye and see their tears? F*ck that.

We are all human beings and we are all entitled to our own thoughts and beliefs about the world. Just because people may think differently than we do doesn’t mean they are less than us or any less human than we are. The greatest quality anyone can possess is not intelligence or loyalty or piety but empathy. The ability to transcend ourselves and truly understand what others are feeling is the only thing that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom.

This blog is not an endorsement of cruelty. If you think I’m being cruel in my writings, let me know but I don’t intend to be. That’s not what I’m about. I’m about standing up and declaring that the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes in the most entertaining way possible.

10 thoughts on “Bachelor 2017 Recap Episode 1 Coming Soon

  1. Not to mention the teeth! I’m not positive dolphins don’t have teeth but as far as costumes go, sharks are the ones depicted with teeth. She had me until she went for a swim, calling out for other dolphins. But I do like when they get drunk on night 1 (you cold see it in her eyes by the end of the night/early morning) and you gotta give it to her for staying in the outfit all night. And hey, at least it wasn’t a red dress! Looking forward to another season with you Emily!

    • Hey, Jen.

      Sorry for the delayed response. I’ve been working all week on the blog I posted this evening just before the new episode aired here.

      Dolphins do have teeth, they’re just small. The teeth was a giveaway too but I only needed to prove one reason it was a shark not all but it could not be a dolphin and have gills.

      Dolphin girl is cute so I’m down to enjoy her antics until her run is over.

      Thanks for sticking with me and leaving me feedback!

    • Hey, Melissa.

      So glad you’re back with me. Sorry for the delayed response. I was working on the blog all week.

      Hope to talk to you more as the season progresses!

  2. HI!!! Glad to see you back! It has been a VERY Boring few months without you to lighten up the mood for us… Bring on the EMILY recaps!!!!!!! oh, and AMEN SISTER to this whole post!

    • Hi, Jaime!

      You are too kind. I look forward to entertaining you this season.

      Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it!

  3. I agree with your comments about the cruelty so common now on the internet and appreciate you addressing this subject. Thank you.

    Now on to your wonderful, funny recaps! Sometimes I don’t even watch the show, but I never miss a recap.

    • Hey, Vicki!

      Thank you for the kind words. I’m flattered that you read my blog even when you don’t watch the show. High praise indeed!

      Thank you for commenting! I really appreciate it!

  4. I think your recap was better than some other blogs I have been reading for this season so far.

    Nick after his redemption tour is back to being a skeezbag in my book

    • I like your screen name 😀

      I’m glad you enjoy my blog. That’s always good to hear.

      I don’t know what you mean by Nick is a skeezbag. He’s a controversial character on this show and I’ve tended not to dislike him as much as other people have.

      If by skeezy you mean he sleeps around, I don’t really have the same moral objections to that as most of society does. He’s certainly taking every opportunity to make out with every girl he can but that’s part of the job description of being the Bachelor. Can I fault him for enjoying it when every Bachelor who came before him enjoyed it too?

      If by skeezy you mean he’s a fame whore, I tend to agree. Integrity and humility are things I hold sacred having grown up in L.A. surrounded by celebrities who think they’re above other people.

      My lasting opinion of him will largely depend on who he chooses in the end. I have a feeling he’s going to choose Danielle L. who is hot and polite but one-dimensional. That will turn me off of him until he genuinely redeems himself.

      Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate it. 🙂

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