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Nick and Vanessa find love at Zero-G

Bachelor 2017 Recap: Episode 3

Group Date 2

“I’m done playing the field -Nick”

  • Rachel
  • Alexis
  • Astrid
  • Jaime
  • Sarah
  • Brittany
  • Dominique

The date takes place at a track where the women will compete in a mock Olympic track and field competition. (It probably seemed really timely back in September just after the summer Olympics ended and filming started. Not so much in January.)

Allyson Felix (200m dash gold medalist), Carl Lewis (famous Olympic track and field champion of the ’80s and ’90s), and Michelle Carter (who? Oh, right. Shot put. I totally knew that) greet Nick and the women on the field. They announce that the women will be competing for the gold: Nick’s heart.

cheesy

How long did it take the Bachelor writers to come up with that one?

The Olympians “train” the women for the competition (which is really just a warmup). Astrid wasn’t told that there would be significant jumping on the date so her natural double D’s continually threaten to give her a black eye.

The first competition is the long jump. To make this Bachelor themed, some crew members hold up a crudely constructed wood cutout of a limo behind the sandpit for the women to jump “into”.

The high jump consists of jumping over the bar onto a big mat with Nick’s face on it so that when they land, the women are almost literally sitting on Nick’s face.

The javelins for the javelin throw are outfitted with arrowheads and feathers to look like arrows. The women launch them at a giant fuzzy red heart. Astrid seems to be the only one who actually hits the target.

Rachel: I would love to track and field Nick all day.

steve_carell_laughing_but_no_idea_what_youre_talking_about

Rachel, Alexis, and Astrid are the only three women to make it to the final competition. They advance to the 100 meter dash. Nick will be waiting for the winner in a hot tub nearby. But in order to collect the prize, the winner of the race must grab a large plastic diamond ring at the finish line and bring it to Nick.

Rachel wins the race but knocks over the ring in her attempt to grab it. She doubles back just as Astrid reaches down to steal it out from under her. Rachel steps on the ring to prevent Astrid from getting it but she only manages to shatter it. Astrid, who came in third, grabs the remains of the diamond and rushes to the hot tub and “wins” despite losing.

And the crowd goes wild. ๐Ÿ˜

Dominique is sad because Nick isn’t paying attention to her. She’s getting overshadowed and feels like she’s not getting a fair shot. Dominique always gets overlooked. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

calling_wambulance

Group Date 2 – Night Portion

The eight-some goes to some place called “Big Daddy’s” for drinks and makeout sessions with Nick.

Nick grabs Astrid first and gives her a replica of the diamond ring that Rachel smashed before jamming his tongue down her throat.

It’s the only rock she’ll be getting on the show so I hope she enjoys it.

Dominique can’t handle the pressure of Nick not being interested in her. Dom, here’s a little advice from Justin Long in He’s Just Not That Into You. Learn it and learn it well. It’s 100% true. I speak from experience.

justin_long_hes_just_not_that_into_you

Nick and Rachel continue to hit it off. I love that she tells him straight up that she’s had cabin fever and that she’s holding it against him. I’m taking bets now that Rachel will be the first black woman to crack the top four.

When Dominique’s time with Nick comes around, instead of trying to get to know him, she demands to know why he didn’t come up to her at the track and ask if she was okay and find out why she was “in her head”. (Is being in your head a thing? Four different people used that phrase on this date. I’ve heard it occasionally but not so often that I would expect four people to independently use it in the same night.)

Anyway, Dominique, here is why Nick did none of the things you expected him to do:

men_not_mind_readers_since_198000_bc

Because she pushed him, Nick is forced to say that he doesn’t see a future with Dominique. Well, that is surprising.

Nick sends Dominique home.

Nick: I had a pretty rough breakup with Dominique.

kevin_hart_let_me_stop_you_right_there

This show is really ridiculous sometimes.

Rachel gets the group date rose.

The Pool Party

Nick decides to have a pool party instead of a cocktail party. The women are ecstatic.

As soon as Nick arrives, the women attack him like lions feasting on a recent kill.

He is quickly stripped down to his swimsuit. Raven rubs an unnecessarily excessive amount of sunscreen all over his chest and abs. Jasmine rains kisses all over Nick’s neck in plain view of the other women which makes Nick uncomfortable. Um, why? He seemed to have no problem making out with Danielle L. in front of other women (including Jasmine) on the Backstreet Boys date.

Hmmm… it’s almost like he’s playing favorites. I think it’s safe to say Jasmine is not on the short list of women Nick is considering as possible wives.

Wednesday_Addams_I_know_youre_as_shocked_as_I-am

Corinne has something up her sleeve to make Nick want to bone her in broad daylight feel special because of course she does.

The producers went to great lengths to help Corinne with her boner-inducing stunt. They set up a pretty pink and purple bouncy castle (because Corinne is a pretty, pretty princess) in the mansion driveway.

Corinne drags Nick away from the other women to play with her in the bouncy castle.

Nick: I’m spending time with Corinne because she’s in a bikini bouncing up and down so free boob show playful and I think play is an essential to the foundation of any long-term relationship.

Vanessa and some of the other women go up to the roof of the mansion to see what’s happening in the bouncy castle and get an eyeful of Corinne mounting Nick.

Vanessa:

mercedes-oh-hell-to-the-no

After Corinne is tuckered out from playing in the bouncy castle, she returns to her room for another nap.

Raven, setting the screen on fire in her yellow bikini, sits down with Nick for a serious discussion.

Raven: I think you are making a huge mistake with one girl. Corinne. Did you know she’s 24 and still has a nanny?

Nick: I know I should be turned off by that but all I’m thinking about are the role-playing possibilities Okkaayy.

A few other women voice concerns about the amount of attention Corinne is getting but Vanessa is about to swoop down from the heavens like a vengeful angel and nail Nick’s ass to the wall for defiling himself with a common trollop after the emotional and spiritual connection they experienced on their date.

Vanessa: I question what your intentions are. Because I know what we had the other night was really special. And then I saw you riding Corinne in the bouncy castle like it was a rodeo bronc competition.

Nick: I don’t know what you saw…

Vanessa: I saw ENOUGH. I’m not judging Corinne. I’m judging your actions. Are you looking for a wife or are you looking for someone to f*ck around with? Because at this point I’d rather you just not give me a rose.

To be continued… but Vanessa’s not going anywhere. I was 99.9% sure she wasn’t but to make sure I was right, I went back and looked at the season preview. There’s still plenty of footage we haven’t seen of her.

Herein lies the fatal flaw of The Bachelor and its spin-offs. If this were the real world, after Vanessa and Nick’s date, they would stop seeing other people and explore a relationship. But this ISN’T the real world so Nick is still contractually obligated to makeout with as many women as possible and Vanessa has no choice but to endure watching it if she wants to be with him. It destroys the fragile trust of a budding relationship that has the potential to be long-term. It will either destroy them or Nick will eventually come to heel.

Well, the new episode has already started in the east. I hope it’s a good one. I’ll be watching in 2 hours.

Thanks for reading, guys. I really appreciate it. Keep the comments coming! It makes writing worthwhile to me. I spend all my free time writing my posts and creating images while the season is on and not enough people know who I am for me to make money off my blog so my compensation is your feedback. I can be slow to respond but I ALWAYS respond to comments.

It would also help me out if you could follow me on Twitter and like me on Facebook. I follow back on Twitter so if you follow me, just send me a message that says “Bachelor” so I know you’re a reader and not a robot.

See you next week! Kisses!

marilyn_monroe_blowing_kisses


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Therese Odell’s blog – Spoiler free and if you like snark, you will love Therese. (She has a new site. This is the updated link: foolishwatcher.com)
OfficeStace.com – She does a nice, short and to the point spoiler-free recap.
IHateGreenBeans.com – Thorough, spoiler-free recaps by Lincee. Super nice lady too!
Some Guy in Austin – Spoiler-free guy’s perspective on the shows.
BachelorBurnbook.com – A compilation of the funniest tweets about all things Bachelor.
Reality Steve – SPOILER ALERT! Reality Steve is pretty caustic but love him or hate him, he’s entertaining and he’s the only truly accurate source for spoilers and “dirt” on contestants.
Sharleen Joynt’s Blog – Sharleen Joynt is the absolute bomb. She’s by far my favorite former Bachelor/ette contestant of all time. So glad I was finally able to find her blog to share with you guys. She is unsurprisingly the most insightful blogger about the Bachelor/ette/IP franchise.

15 thoughts on “Bachelor 2017 Recap: Episode 3

  1. The chemistry with Vanessa was definitely the strongest and maybe the most genuine I have ever seen on this show. I hope she stays true to herself and doesn’t take any of his crap. I like the way she confronted him-she was direct and calm. Sorry, but I’m not a fan of Nick….never have been and am doubtful it will change but I was hoping we might see some real growth in him. Sadly, I am not seeing it but if he gets rid of Corrine I may gain a bit of hope and respect for this season. Thanks for posting.

    • I agree that the connection between Nick and Vanessa was strong. I like her a lot. Nick definitely needs someone who won’t take crap.

      I really can’t fault Nick for not getting rid of Corinne. His hands are tied. She was cast as the villain and he doesn’t get to choose everyone who stays. Basically, on night one, the leads tell the producers a handful of people they’re interested in and the producers choose the rest of the people who get roses. She was cast as the villain so she’s probably got a free ride to the top 9 or so. She might get the boot on the two-on-one they showed in the preview last night but it’s iffy.

      What continually surprises me about the women who go on these shows is that they don’t know enough about the show to realize one of them will be a villain and that person isn’t going to get cut for a while. It’s the same story every season. The only villains I recall who were ever chosen by the lead were Courtney and Vienna but Vienna wasn’t much of a villain. Just misunderstood. Courtney and Ben broke up shortly after he realized he’d been conned.

      Michelle Money made it to the top 5 or 6 but Corinne WILL go home. It’s only a matter of time.

      This show is heavily, heavily produced and planned. Not all of Nick’s decisions are his.

      That doesn’t mean Nick is an angel but Corinne being there is not from his lack of ability to recognize she’s not fit for marriage. Recall how he told Vanessa to “be patient about the Corinne situation”. To me that was the best way he could say without actually saying, “I’m going to get rid of her but I can’t yet.”

      I worry that Vanessa doesn’t know enough about the show to understand that he’s not keeping Corinne because he wants to but because he has to and will leave.

      I’ve been on the fence about Nick for a long time. I liked him on Andi’s season and I gave him the benefit of the doubt on Kaitlyn’s season. But it’s hard to see him as the great guy he appeared to be on BIP when his actions are saying he’s a fame whore.

      As everyone else’s opinion of him went up, mine went down. But he’s still interesting despite his flaws but the flaws I see are probably not the flaws that other people see. I have things in common with Nick and that makes it hard to hate him but I also can’t help but notice the things about him that I consider immoral, specifically perpetually seeking out the limelight and not being attentive to his fans. I can’t stand it when people let a little bit of fame go to their heads and start thinking they’re better than other people. That’s what I’m afraid has happened to him.

      If he chooses Vanessa or Danielle M., I’ll feel like he’s serious about marriage. If he chooses Danielle L., I’ll feel like he isn’t serious and was just using this opportunity to gain for followers on social media.

      Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate it! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Hey, Caroline.

      Did you lose your first comment? I rescued it from the spam folder but I see it’s similar to the first comment.

      Anyway, thanks so much for your feedback. I really appreciate it! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Hilarious! It would be hard for me to pick my favorite parts, but if I did, it would have to be where you draw a line through what people are really thinking and replace it with the usual hogwash. Thank you!

    • Thanks, Melissa!

      Telling me what you like actually really helps me figure out how to fine-tune my work. I only started blogging about the show during Kaitlyn’s season so I’m still trying to find my voice as a blogger about reality TV. I usually write more serious stuff but this franchise brings out the snark in me so I decided to start writing about it.

      Thank you for your continued feedback and support! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Emily, you don’t have to fine-tune anything about your recaps. They are always fun to read and you always mention something that I never noticed during the show. I hope you enjoy writing your blogs as much as I enjoy reading them.

    • Thanks, Vicki!

      I enjoy writing but it’s a lot of work. It would be easier if I weren’t sick. I could do the whole blog by Wednesday.

      I’m glad you like my writing as it is. But it started out differently. I didn’t use images. I just wrote.

      Then I saw some other blogs and incorporated some of the things I liked into my blogs. And I come up with new schtick all the time.

      I’m my harshest critic. Most writers are

      Anyway, thank you for your continued support and feedback. I really appreciate it!

  4. Thanks for another funny recap Emily. I also enjoy reading through your comments & the responses to your comments. Lots of interesting insight. I get a kick out of the gifs & especially appreciated the Rupaul one as I just recently became a drag race fan! I think you’re right about Nick and the whole fame whore thing. All that attention & adoration must be intoxicating. Nevertheless, being a romantic at heart myself, I’m hoping this genuinely works for him. At this point his relationship with Vanessa looks very promising. One thought that struck me recently about Nick is that it is so obvious that he really likes women & really has a good time getting to know them. I know a lot of guys do of course but I think there are some guys that are just better at being friends with & appreciating women & Nick is one of those guys. That may just keep getting him into trouble! We shall see.

    • Hi, Julie.

      Sorry for the delayed response. I lost track of the comments because I got so behind. I actually don’t watch a lot of the shows I use gifs from so I didn’t know I used one from Drag Race. I just do Google image searches for things that will capture my mood.

      I’m glad you enjoy reading the comments and responses. Not everyone subscribes to them so I don’t know who’s reading the comments section and who isn’t.

      I don’t think Nick is a bad guy. I think he’s just discovering himself and maybe growing up a little late. I don’t think he had the greatest self-esteem when he first appeared on the show so the fame is making him a little drunk on being admired. I think he’ll sober up eventually though but I don’t see him leaving the limelight any time soon.

      I definitely get that Nick is the kind of guy who is friends with women whether or not he’s interested in them romantically. Most of my friends are men. I just tend to have more in common with them. I think it’s because I was really close with my dad growing up and not so much with my mom. We had a role reversal in my house. My dad was the nurturer and my mom was the disciplinarian.

      It does get people into trouble in some ways to be better friends with the opposite sex. There’s too much opportunity for the boundary between friendship and romance to get blurred. But I find it also makes it better for my partners that I’m able to relate to them and understand them.

      I see Nick being able to do that with a potential partner but I think he still has some growing to do. I hope Vanessa will push him. I think it’s between her and Rachel at this point.

      Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate it! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Count me in as a fan of the strikethrough text – hilarious. Also love the images and GIFs. And “He’s just not that into you” was such a cute movie. Keep up the great work!

    • Hi, Jennifer.

      The week 3 comments that came in later in the week got lost in the shuffle so I’m sorry for the delayed response.

      Thanks for letting me know what you like about the blogs.

      I LOVE “He’s Just Not That Into You”. It was cute and full of important relationship wisdom.

      Thanks for the comment! Hope you’re well. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. On point with your gif game, loved the dancing ones, and the strikethrough text.
    Was hoping Nick would maybe reform himself, but he has a big mumble turnoff, seems unready for committment so yesssssssssssss call him out gf!
    I feel like your blog is one of the better ones this season,
    would you think of doing rupauls drag race, or a top chef?

    • Hi, DG.

      Sorry for the delayed response.

      I’m glad you like the gifs and strikethrough text.

      I can’t fault Nick too much for his mumbling. I’m a mumbler and can’t do anything about it. It’s anatomical.

      But I agree that he’s not quite ready for commitment. I hope he finds love this season but I fear he may end up breaking up with his final girl if he doesn’t get it together.

      It’s backbreaking for me just to cover this one show and I can only really do it because it’s something I feel inspired by. Aside from the Bachelor franchise, the only other reality TV I watch is The Voice and Big Brother, neither of which inspire me to write about them. I do watch Project Runway but I fast forward through all the drama to see the runway shows.

      I don’t even know if I’m going to keep covering The Bachelor. It’s really exhausting. I’m going to finish out the season with Nick but depending on who the Bachelorette is, I may quit. Nick is my favorite male contestant in the show’s history, warts and all. The bar has been set very high in terms of compelling leads and I’m not sure I’ll be able to go back to covering an ordinary person again.

      Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate it! ๐Ÿ™‚

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