“Let’s jump in feet first. –Nick”
Corinne, Kristina, and Raven are on the three-on-one. One of them will get a fast pass to hometowns.
Corinne: I’m going to steal the show. I’m a boater and I look great on a yacht.
You’re not a boat bangle, child. Nick’s looking for a wife (allegedly), not the latest trend in yacht accessories.
Despite Corinne’s best efforts to get Nick’s attention, he becomes hyper-focused on rubbing sunscreen on Kristina’s inner thighs.
Kristina: I hope nobody gets left on an island.
Nick: No, no. Rest assured. No one’s getting left on an island. BTW, did I mention we’re going to be swimming with sharks?
Raven: Kristina and Corinne both have a pretty good chance of getting eaten by a shark because sharks can smell fear. If a shark tries to bite me, I’ll punch it in the face.
I was hoping she would rebuke it in the name of Jesus but still:
The foursome jumps in the water with the sharks. You couldn’t pay me enough.
I wanted to find out what type of sharks these were though because I couldn’t imagine the Bachelor producers putting their cast in harm’s way by allowing them to swim with aggressive sharks without a cage. I Googled “harmless sharks” and the Caribbean reef shark looks like what we were shown. They still look big and scary but are SO harmless that tour guides feed them while humans are in the water with them. (Still couldn’t pay me enough.)
I hope Alexis was watching.
Kristina succumbs to fear once she’s actually in the water with the sharks and makes a beeline for the boat. Nick follows to comfort her.
Corinne: I feel like I’m on Kristina’s date but if I try to change it up, I’m afraid I’ll be judged.
Yep. You trying to steal the spotlight from Kristina is going to get you judged but the horrific sh*t you said about your fellow contestants will pass by unnoticed. #JudgementComethAndThatRightSoon
Group Date Night Portion
Nicks talks to each of the women about hometowns before handing out the only date rose of the week.
Raven: Are you nervous about hometowns? Meeting the fathers?
Nick: If I were a brother or father meeting me, knowing my past, I would have a sh*t ton of questions.
It’s not just brothers and fathers. America has a sh*t ton of questions about you.
Corinne: Why haven’t you given me a one-on-one?
Nick: I’m not glad you brought that up. I feel like the two-on-one was a one-on-one and it was definitely beneficial for our relationship. She’s nodding and looking at me with googly eyes. Does that mean she’s buying this crap? You’ve definitely made the most of your time while you’ve been here. You’ve been on me like white on rice since the minute you got out of the limo and the only reason you’re still here is because the producers want me to meet your nanny.
Raven gets the rose and the fast pass to hometowns.
Nick and Raven dance on the beach at a concert by another no-name musician, Adam Friedman.
He’s only got 5k followers on Twitter. He probably had to pay for his airfare to Bimini for the honor of playing a free concert on The Bachelor. 😆
“Danielle let’s ride off into the sunset together. –Nick”
Man, another really boring date.
Nick and Danielle ride around Bimini on bicycles. They play basketball with the local children. Nick finds it hard to have a conversation with Danielle. He thinks it because they lack chemistry. I think it’s because they’re both introverts.
At dinner, Danielle thinks she’s getting the “go” signal and misses the “no” signal that Nick is sending out by talking about what a great friendship they have.
Danielle: I want you to know that my heart is very open to you. I feel like I want to take on anything with you. Adventurous? Like good, bad, and anything in between. Raw?
Nick: I care about you a lot and I want to feel the same way but I don’t think my heart can get there.
Recall that on his date with Danielle L., Nick said he wanted a relationship that was adventurous and raw but now that Danielle M. is essentially saying she wants those things, Nick isn’t interested.
Hmmm… I wonder why.
Nick: You’re just so great.
Danielle: Not great enough.
Danielle, there is no reason to get down on yourself. There is a whole wide world of women who Nick isn’t interested in. I mean he kept Corinne over you. Are you seriously going to sweat this guy?
I predicted Danielle was going to be in the top four but I never for one second thought she was going to be the one Nick chose. I guess it’s hard when you’re in the situation to be able to tell these things but from out here, it was completely f*cking obvious. I hope Danielle finds a nice guy from Wisconsin to settle down with and forget the show ever happened.
Or maybe she’ll meet someone this summer in Paradise. If Lacey could get engaged, I don’t see why Danielle can’t.
The point is the despair is unnecessary.
Danielle returns to the beach house to say goodbye to the other women. She’s a weepy mess.
Corinne: It does kind of hurt my heart a little bit that someone so sweet went home but I also didn’t see them together. I would live in a shack with no diamonds for Nick. Who am I?
I don’t know. You said something nice about another contestant and said you would live in a shack without diamonds if it meant you could have love.
Panicked that she’s on the chopping block, Corinne decides she’s going to try to convince Nick he wants to come to her hometown by bewitching him with her platinum vagine.
She gets dolled up and sneaks over to Nick’s hotel room.
He invites her in and offers her a drink. I’m not gonna lie and it pains me to say this but I think Nick and Corinne have a genuine connection. (I just threw up in my mouth a little.)
I can potentially see a Vanessa/Corinne final two which will be absolutely horrifying. I will be so relieved if Corinne is the next to go but I don’t think the Bachelor producers are going to be that merciful.
Eavesdropping on Nick and Corinne’s bedroom banter is cringe-worthy but we do find out there’s “no beating around the bush” when it comes to Corinne. 😆
Nick stops Corinne just as he sees the shimmer emanating from her panties. He will not be undone by failing to adhere to Bachelor code and sleep with another woman before fantasy suites.
Corinne is so upset by Nick’s rejection of her platinum p*ssy that on the way out of the hotel, she walks past the automated double doors that open right in front of her and exits out the side door instead.
Next Up: Rachel’s One-On-One[jetpack-related-posts]