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hurricane_ashley_bip3_week3_feature
Take cover! Hurricane Ashley is back.

Bachelor in Paradise 2016: Week 3

Bachelor In Paradise 2016 – Week 3

Hey, everybody!

Is it only week 3 on Bachelor in Paradise? I feel like we’ve been doing this for a year already.

It was an interesting week on BIP.

The standout moment for me this week was the speech Nick gave Ashley detailing why she was never going to be with Jared. Also, when I checked last night, Nick’s followers have increased by 26K since the beginning of Bachelor in Paradise. He started at 88K and he’s now at 114k so that’s a 30% increase in 3 weeks. I expect that number will continue to grow as the season goes on. But I’m sure that’s not at all why he decided to go on the show.

uh-huh-uh_cindy_brady

Recap Episode 1

Last week we ended on a cliffhanger. Evan interrupted Josh and Amanda’s makeout session because he’s an insane, masochistic moron who likes having his jaw reset once in a while to ask Amanda out on a date. Now we get to find out what happens which is mostly whole lot of nothing. Typical.

The Bachelor editors remind us where we left off with this narration:

“…last week Carly broke Evan’s heart but Evan wasn’t ready for a PREMATURE EJECTION and ROSE to the occasion putting Amanda in a HARD spot. Will Josh EXPLODE in a rage?”

beavis_and_butthead_laughing
THE BACHELOR EDITORS

That was SUPER clever, guys.

Josh has to stop himself from laughing when Evan asks Amanda to go with him to the tree house. Amanda agrees because she’s nice. Vinny thinks Evan needs to stop being the awkward dick doctor. *snicker*

Evan tells Amanda that he came to Paradise to get to know her and if he didn’t at least try to get a date with her, he’d always regret it.

Amanda basically says: “That’s nice. Wish you told me sooner (even though not really because I wouldn’t have gone out with you anyway). I’m gonna go back to making out with Josh. See ya.”

But Evan HEARS: “I really like you. I came here thinking about you. I really wanted to get to know you but now I’m with Josh but if things don’t work out with him, I’ll definitely hit you up.”

I think Evan needs a MANSLATER:

 

And during Evan and Amanda’s talk, Josh has been eating a pizza with the same moany passion he kisses Amanda with. It’s only slightly less revolting than watching them make out.

Cocktail Party

The next day the contestants get ready for the rose ceremony. The girls apply makeup and pick out their dresses, Nick puts on a nice button down shirt, and then there’s Vinny. Apparently, his back is so hairy, he needs Daniel to help him shave it.

Now that's what I call friendship!

Nick, Christian, Brandon, Evan, and Daniel are on the chopping block.

Daniel and Christian are battling it out for Sarah’s Rose. Sarah says that Daniel needs to kiss her or she won’t know who to give the rose to. Daniel DOES kiss Sarah but she’s unimpressed. Despite Sarah’s utter lack of chemistry with Daniel, she’s STILL going to choose the white weirdo over the half-black hottie with a real job and stable personality.

black_skeptic_really?

A brother can’t even land a one-armed white woman on this franchise?

my_sense_of_humor why I'm going to hell

Josh and Amanda haven’t stopped making out since the last time Evan interrupted them so when he interrupts them again in a last-ditch effort to get a rose, it looks like they haven’t moved from their makeout spot since the night before.

Evan tells Amanda about the emotional abuse Andi claims she endured at Josh’s hands in her tell-all book in the hopes of scaring her away from Josh so she’ll give her rose to Evan instead ensuring Amanda and her children’s safety.

Amanda runs off to verify with her girlfriends that what Evan says is true. Lace confirms it and runs off to tell Grant about her conversation with Amanda only she fails to notice Josh is sitting only a few feet away before she starts spilling the whole story to Grant of how Evan warned Amanda about the book and how she cautioned Amanda about dating him.

neil_patrick_harris_awkward face
JUST…  AWKWARD

Josh confronts Amanda about her conversation with Evan. He asks her how she can have any respect for someone who would deliberately lie to her the way Evan did.

Uh, how did Evan lie exactly? Last I checked, Andi did, in fact, write a book in which she claims Josh is emotionally abusive and Evan merely relayed that fact to Amanda. That is the opposite of lying but from everything I’ve seen of Josh, he seems to be a narcissistic psychopath and paranoid delusions just come with the territory.

Josh confronts Evan. Josh insists he’s a good guy and Andi’s book is completely fictional.

Um… yeah. It’s a tell-all, Josh. It might be one-sided but you won’t find it in the fiction section at Barnes & Noble.

Evan says Josh’s “polish has polish” and he doesn’t seem real.

ding_ding_ding

Evan asks Josh why, if what Andi said in her book was so baseless, he didn’t sue her for libel. Josh’s face is one of utter confusion. I don’t know if it’s because he’s been caught in a lie or because he doesn’t know what libel is. Probably both.

And if Amanda hadn’t been warned enough by her fellow contestants, Nick sits down with her and warns her yet again. He says that some of the things Andi wrote about Nick in her book are true so it stands to reason some of the things she said about Josh are true too. He tells her to “just ask questions” (i.e. RUN, GIRL, RUN!!!).

Is it just me or does Amanda look like young Paula Abdul?

Amanda looks like Paula_Abdul

Rose Ceremony

  • Lace        –<–{@ Grant
  • Izzy         –<–{@ Vinny
  • Emily      –<–{@ Jared
  • Amanda –<–{@ Josh
  • Sarah      –<–{@ Daniel
  • Carly       –<–{@ Evan
  • Haley      –<–{@ Nick

Too-normal-to-be-part-of-this-trainwreck Christian and too-dumb-to-be-intellectually-compatible-with-Hemily Brandon go home.

Carly is almost certain Evan knows her a rose is a platonic rose. Meanwhile, Evan plans Carly’s introduction to his kids as their new stepmom.

Was there ever any doubt that Nick was going to stay? And not just because the spoilers show him going the distance. Love him, hate him, love to hate him, or hate to love him, he’s got the “it”factor.

Next: The rest of Episode 1, Episode 2, and After Paradise

6 thoughts on “Bachelor in Paradise 2016: Week 3

  1. Nick might be there for fame, but his commentary is hilarious and I LOVE that he gave the “He’s just not that into you” speech to Ashley. I know a guy who is being led on by a girl right now and I’ve given him this speech at least three times: It’s not love. It’s an illusion. This person is never going to love you and will never reciprocate. They literally put in minimal effort until they want something like validation, companionship, etc. and then they use you. It’s completely heartbreaking to watch.

    Also, Evan is creeping me out. Rumor has it he and Carly end up together, but he’s being very… rapey, for lack of a better word, and manipulative. To be fair, I think 30% of my grossed out feeling toward him has to do with his bad haircut. As Carly says, if he was just normal, it wouldn’t be so bad. Also, I’ve tried to research him. Is Evan an actual doctor? Or is he like a lab tech or something? There’s no info on his ex. Are his kids adopted? He acts like he’s never dated anyone before. The social awkwardness I don’t think is just because the cameras are there. And I think that social awkwardness is one thing, but practically molesting a girl while she tells you to leave her alone is a whole other level of gross.

    • Hey, Megan.

      I agree with you about Nick. I want to not find him fascinating but I do. I’m writing to you the day before the season ends so I think it’s safe to say that my favorite part of the season was that speech he gave Ashley. It was perfection.

      I don’t find Evan THAT creepy. I definitely find him socially awkward, even cringe-worthy at times, and definitely pathetic but not super creepy. Evan was wasted when he tried to kiss Carly the second time so I give him a pass.

      I think his kids are his biological children. Reality Steve says he has almost no contact with them based on the activity on his social media accounts.

      No, Evan is not a real doctor. He probably does consultations with men who have sexual dysfunction FOR a doctor or clinic but I think he’s just an intake person. He was a pastor before he started working in ED. That’s all I know about him.

      Thanks for all your support and feedback! 🙂

  2. Great recap – your images and gifs are hilarious. Loved your note to Nick. I’ve always been on the Nick train. Never the Evan train though. Yuck. The twins are too dumb to be for real, right? Caila and Jarred make a cute couple, I’m rooting for them. And Nick and Jen, I liked her on Ben’s season.

    • Thank you so much! It takes a lot of time to put it all together. I’ve been working about 18 hours a week this summer on each of my blogs so I’m happy they’re entertaining people.

      Yeah… sometimes I really want to jump off the Nick train because I do believe he’s caught the fame bug BUT I also think he’ll mature past it once he realizes it’s meaningless. So I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. There’s enough good there for me to still find him compelling.

      Oops. Caila and Jared didn’t work out. I watched Reality Steve’s video chat from a couple weeks ago and he said that everyone was mad at Caila because she told Ashley and Amanda she would be willing to get engaged to Jared even if she wasn’t in love with him for the fame and money. According to Steve, everyone wanted her gone and that’s the real reason Caila left.

      I liked Jen too but… I guess that’s not going to work out either! 😀

      I think she’s a little too sedate for Nick’s tastes. She’s great but someone’s got to light the fire inside of him and she hasn’t seemed able to do it. They’re both kind of low-energy introverts. They understand each other but I think they both need someone a little more dynamic to balance them out.

      Thanks so much for your feedback, Jennifer! I really appreciate it. 🙂

  3. This show is the best kind of train wreck! I have laughed so hard. I liked Daniel on JoJo’s season because he is funny as crap. Now, I like him even more. He says some things that piss me off sometimes, but he definitely makes me laugh even more. The twins are just annoying. And I AM SO CRAZY about Nick. He is gorgeous, funny, sweet, down to earth, smart. I have always liked him, except for the making love comment, and now I love him more. I hope Nick and Jen make it…. They are the perfect couple! Finally, I think Jared could have been a lot more assertive, telling Ashley no. But in one of their conversations, he said to her that he was tired of having this conversation with her, over and over. I think he likes her as a friend, and tried to keep her as a friend, after giving it a shot. With Ashley, I don’t think that is possible. I think you have to make a clean break, because she is going to stick her fingers in her ears and hum like a baby when he tells her the truth. They are both wrong in certain ways, but Ashley needs to grow the heck up. And her saying there can’t be anything worse than fwatching someone you love fall in love with someone else made me as angry as she made you with her death comment~

    • I do like Daniel too. I don’t think he’s ever made me angry. He’s kind of a dick with his lewd comments but I also find it of entertaining that he thinks he’s actually complimenting women by saying those things.

      I like Nick a lot too. It’s hard not to. I didn’t mind the “making love” comment but I seem to be the only woman in America who thinks it was justified under the circumstances (Andi refused to give him closure privately so he was a pent up ball of emotions by the ATFR). Also, Andi went into way more detail about their encounter in her book than he did on TV so I consider it a non-issue at this point. I really never found it offensive though because I was raised in a household where sex was openly discussed.

      I agree with you that Jared made a mistake with Ashley. Sometimes you just need to cut people loose so they can heal and move on. I was angry too over her comment about watching someone you love fall in love with someone because she so obviously doesn’t love him. It’s just infatuation. I screamed at my TV a few times during the episode.

      Thanks so much Jaime! I really appreciate the feedback and comments! 😀

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