Don't cry for Derek, Argentina.
Don't cry for Derek, Argentina.

Bachelorette 2016 Recap: Episode 6

Bachelorette 2016 Recap: Episode 6

Hi Bachelor Nation.

I’m so grateful to you guys for your comments on my blog that I put out last Sunday. It really means the world to me. I can understand why some people don’t comment on blogs about silly shows like this because it’s it’s embarrassing. People seem to take you a little less seriously when they find out you watch bad reality television.

It’s funny because on Facebook all I write about is super intellectual stuff but I’m more well-known for writing about this show which would definitely get my nerd card revoked if there were actually such a thing as a nerd society. But don’t be embarrassed, guys. We all have our guilty pleasures.

You guys are all awesome regardless of whether or not you comment.

I answered all of your comments so if you’re not subscribed to the comments, you can go back and visit last week’s recap.

My DVR didn’t record Monday night because there was a huge power outage in the San Fernando Valley where I live. But the power came back on to catch the last 15 minutes of the show. So I watched it and my mind was blown to see that just six guys remained and that Wells, someone I thought was definitely going to the final final four, was gone. My heart sank when I saw Wells was gone because that probably means the next Bachelor is going to be a dead bore or Jordan whose motivations for being on this show I continue to question. Do we really want to watch his season when it seems likely that he went on the show just to get his own season? I’m not sure that I want to.

But I definitely don’t want to watch a Chase season or a James Taylor season. There is just nothing sexy about James Taylor. He’s a very nice guy and I like him a lot but I do not want to see a bunch of girls competing over him when that’s not a feasible scenario in the real world. It would just never happen. And he’s too nice. It’s boring. He’s boring.

Bored

So now I’m gonna have to watch the show online to see what I missed.

Recap

Jojo and her band of bro-jos fly to Buenos Aires, Argentina. I’m jealous.

Chris Harrison announces there’s going to be a second two-on-one date. I wonder who it’s going to be. Obviously, at least Wells or Derek is going home on the two-on-one because they certainly weren’t at the rose ceremony.

A one-on-one date card arrives: “Wells, Besame muchacho.” Translation: Kiss Me Boy.

about_damn_time

Wells’ One-On-One

Watching Jojo and Wells walk around the streets of Buenos Aires is painful. These two are so obviously not a match. I’m guessing he’s getting the axe at the end of the date or before. Too bad. Wells is much more interesting than any of the other guys left. But he and Jojo just have so little chemistry that they couldn’t fake it another 3 episodes to get Wells to the final four.

Or maybe ABC didn’t want him in the final four. I have a feeling Wells was over the shenanigans of reality TV around day 2 of filming. It’s really challenging to be smart and take this way of meeting one’s soulmate seriously despite some success in recent years.

Wells and Jojo go to a theater where a show called Fuerza Bruta is playing (Brute Force). I don’t understand the appeal of the show. But I also don’t get performance “art” in general. How is watching people slide around in water on Plexiglas and then watching them get fake shot at while running on a conveyor belt, art or even remotely entertaining?

we_think_your_spending_has_gotten_out_of_control

Oh, did that gif seem disconnected from the context of my article? That was just performance art. It’s supposed to make you think but you don’t actually have a choice in the matter since you can’t help but think when something makes no f*cking sense. It’s like calling it charity when you give your wallet to a thief who’s holding a gun to your head.

Wells says he wants his kiss with Jojo to be “once-in-a-lifetime” and I think there’s more truth to that than he realizes. It’s literally the only time in their lives Jojo and Wells are going to kiss.

Poor Wells’ only option to kiss Jojo is while they’re sloshing around on the Plexiglas platform because getting fake shot while running on a conveyor belt doesn’t exactly scream “romance”. I feel like the producers set Wells up to fail. I don’t know why but I don’t have another explanation. The date was simply not conducive to kissing.

Back at the hotel, a date card arrives (“Living the Vida Boca” – the “mouth” life???)

  • Luke
  • Robby
  • Jordan
  • James
  • Alex

So Chase and Derek will be on the two-on-one.

On the night portion of Jojo and Wells’ date, Wells seems skeptical of the idea of finding fairy-tale love and Jojo is 100% on board for the fantasy. Jojo is unimpressed by Wells’ realistic attitude toward relationships.

Pro-tip for dudes: Don’t tell a girl on your first date that you think all romantic relationships devolve into friendship over time or you won’t get a second one. Be pragmatic on your own time.

jasmine_magic_carpet_ride

I do believe in true love but I don’t believe it’s easy. The happily ever after part is really the beginning of the story, not the end. But we’ve been conned by society into believing that our lives will fall magically into place once we meet the person of our dreams and we’ll never have to deal with hardship again. Being with someone you love and who loves you back just makes it easier to deal with hardship whether it’s external to your relationship or internal.

I don’t think either Wells or Jojo is completely realistic about love. The truth lies somewhere in the middle of their perspectives. But whatever the case may be, Wells is headed back to the northern hemisphere.

Next: The Group Date, The Two-On-One, and The Rose Ceremony

13 thoughts on “Bachelorette 2016 Recap: Episode 6

  1. So happy to see your latest post!

    That squabble was amusing:
    Margarita = Mexican cocktail
    Margherita = Italian cuisine

    Given the lackluster bunch of suitors this season, ABC might have to dig into the archives to find a worthy leading man, or else introduce someone new.

    Jordan would be a contender if he doesn’t “win” and if he isn’t outed as a fame-whore; Luke mumbles in monotone; Chase is cute but seems dumb; Robby, with his large oblong toupee, fell in love on his first date (what a delusional sap… wait… maybe that’s the right combo for a Bachelor?); Alex is too angry about anything and everything; James is desperate and obnoxiously humble; and Wells is too good for this nonsense.

    • Hey, Marla.

      You made me LOL. I think your assessment of the possibilities for Bachelor are spot on. That thing about the Robby’s oblong toupee cracked me up.

      Are you a writer? Maybe you should consider it.

      Thank you for your comments and feedback. I really appreciate it πŸ™‚

      • I’m not a writer, but that was a huge compliment (thank you!) as I’ve dabbled with the idea. Nope, I’m a former fine arts/graphic design major who never followed through.

        • You’re a good writer. You should consider it.

          I’m a former graphic design major too… but then I switched to a bunch of different science fields and never finished my bachelor’s due to my illness.

          If there is something you want to write about but don’t want to hassle with setting up your own blog, I can publish you on mine. I’m trying to run a one-woman Huffington Post here and it’s not working out because of the time it takes me to take care of myself. I need other writers to help fill in this blog.

          You can look at the other categories I have and if there’s nothing there you want to write about, I can add and subtract categories with ease.

          Let me know if you’re interested. That goes for anyone else who might happen to be reading this comment. I need writers.

          Thanks for your feedback and support! πŸ™‚

  2. emily,

    male reader here – i love reading your thoughts each week. i don’t subscribe because i like the suspense of loading it 100x each week and hoping for a new post. thanks for your efforts!

  3. WHY are so many of the guys this season whiny? Even Alex, who is just ridiculous, is a whiny boy. I hate that Evan got sent home. He was at least a little comedic relied. And Wells, he of the protein shake ashes funeral, you would be my choice for Bachelor over any of them. Again, WHY WHINE? STOP! You are all worse than ten women!

    • LOL! They are really whiny. They make Ben’s women seem darn right mature by comparison.

      I was really sorry to see Wells go too. I don’t think he will get the Bachelor gig though. He got cut too soon.

      Thanks so much for your feedback and support! I really appreciate it! πŸ™‚

  4. Hi Emily,
    I really loved your blog because i feel I share your feelings about the group of guys this season. Wells was my favorite and I felt bad for him that JoJo didn’t have much chemistry with him, but he stood out way above the others and I honestly don’t understand why he would want to be on this ridiculous show that we can’t not watch for some weird reason!
    Anyway, I also couldn’t stand Derek and was happy to see him leave, and his exit was pretty embarrassing and I do feel bad that he had to watch this at home on his device. Men are really delusional about how they are perceived by women! It never ceases to amaze me!
    I don’t think I would want to watch Bachelor if they cast any of the remaining guys, who do not impress me very much, but I said that about Juan Pablo’s season, and we did get to meet and love Sharleen Joynt, whose blog I also enjoy reading, so that was worth watching I guess. These shows are so addicting, but the best is reading about them, so thank you so much for blogging, and you are more entertaining to read than sitting through watching the actual show!!

    Hope you are feeling better!

    • Hi, Marianne.

      I’m glad you enjoy my blog. I really appreciate your comments and feedback! πŸ™‚

      I think the only reason people go on this show is because they want to be on TV and they want to travel. I think a couple are truly interested in finding love but not the majority. It is a unique experience but it did seem that Wells was tiring of it by the end of his time on the show. Being on set 24 hours a day is exhausting and I’m sure a lot of the shenanigans seem ridiculous to people with half a brain cell in their heads.

      I don’t know why we keep watching this show either! I guess it’s like a train wreck and fantasy football combined: you can’t look away and yet you want to see who walks away with the ring (or gives it).

      Honestly, it’s sometimes hard for me to write about the show because it’s so contrived and insulting to my intelligence (and often just boring) but I do my best to find some tidbit of material to work with. It was hard this week.

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It means the world to me. πŸ™‚

  5. “Oh, did that gif seem disconnected from the context of my article? That was just performance art. It’s supposed to make you think but you don’t actually have a choice in the matter since you can’t help but think when something makes no f*cking sense. It’s like calling it charity when you give your wallet to a thief who’s holding a gun to your head.” Ha-ha-ha! That was awesome!

    These remaining men… I just don’t care for any of them. For some reason, I suddenly developed a violent dislike for Alex, and I can’t take the stationary, sculpted hair and jeggings any more. Your blog makes it all worthwhile! πŸ™‚

    • Hey, Melissa.

      I’m glad you enjoyed my “performance art”. It was spur of the moment. I was looking up something that had nothing to do with that and that gif came up and I thought, “Perfect way to illustrate my point.”

      I don’t like the remaining men either. I kind of like Luke. I would definitely like Jordan if I weren’t so suspicious of his motives. He’s a sociable, attractive guy and there really isn’t anything not to like but there’s no way to avoid the reality that there is no reason for him to be on this show other than fame.

      I do think the final two will be Jordan and Luke.

      But Robby, Chase, Alex, and James T. are pretty generic. I still don’t get why James F. got let go. Am I the only one who found him attractive?

      I never noticed that Alex wore jeggings! I noticed Jordan dresses like a total hipster but not Alex. But Alex needs his hair cut by someone other than Vinny. It’s a shaggy mess when it’s not styled.

      I’m glad my blog makes this show more worth watching. Your comments and others’ comments make it worth writing about this show!

      Thank you so much for your continued feedback and support! πŸ™‚

      • My fault for not being more clear… when I mentioned stationary, sculpted hair and jeggings I was thinking more about all the guys, not Alex. My violent dislike for Alex was just about his personality. Thankfully, he is now gone! πŸ™‚ Thanks for recapping!

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