The Reign of Lee

Bachelorette 2017 – Episode 4 5 6 Recap

Group Date (AKA Men modeling 1930s swimwear)

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Adam, Dean, Peter, Matt, Will, Alex, and Josiah: “I’m looking for a guy who is good with his hands. – Rachel”

Which means Kenny and Lee are on a two-on-one because of course they are.

The men learn how to play handball which is popular in Norway. Handball is basically soccer but with your hands and Josiah feels confident because he “doesn’t have no Donald Trump hands.” 😆

The men come out in their uniforms which are completely f*cking ridiculous and not sexy in any way, shape, or form.

Dean unintentionally reveals that his IQ is hovering somewhere around that of a potato when he shows up with his underwear on the outside of his uniform.

Rachel and her guys split up into teams and play a game. Will is the best player but the real MVP is Peter who doesn’t give a flying f*ck about handball and decides to find every opportunity to use his hands on Rachel instead of the ball.

And that, kids, is why Peter is still on the show and Will is not but I’m getting ahead of myself.

The night portion of the date is pretty generic. There were two interesting things to say about it:

  • Josiah chats up Rachel with all the sincerity of a hooker telling a john how big his c*ck is and when Rachel mentions that Josiah never asks her questions about her life, instead of taking the cue to ask her questions, he praises her observant nature. He is a caricature of a human being and never ceases to crack me up.
  • Peter and Rachel make out in the hot tub for 3 hours (!!!) and then Will, who basically did nothing other than mention he lost someone around the same time that Rachel “lost” Nick (it’s ridiculous to me that people consider being let go on this show as “breaking up”. They barely know each other) and suddenly Will and Rachel have something in common. If I were Rachel, I would have been scared that Will was “deeply in love” with someone less than 6 months before going on the show. Peter is like WTF? As well he should be. How can you not question everything when you were intimate with someone for 3 hours and they gave the rose to someone else?

Lee and Kenny’s Two-On-One
(AKA Foes in the Snow. Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!)

Lee claims that the two-on-one rose means more than a one-on-one rose even though I can’t remember a single instance in which the winner of a two-on-one rose ever won the lead’s heart in the end. Usually, the winner of the two-on-one goes home the next week… which is exactly what f*cking happened.

johnny_bravo_shut_it

“Kenny and Lee. Your fate is up in the air. – Rachel”

“Two men, one rose. One stays, one goes – Chris Harrison.”

I’m not sure why two date cards were necessary.

The threesome travels by helicopter to someplace deep in the icy woods of Oslo. Rachel wants to get to the bottom of the drama between Lee and Kenny.

Rachel talks to Kenny first. I really like Kenny. It’s sad that Lee got under his skin. He might have been a decent match for Rachel if he’d been able to keep his cool under pressure. But he’s a really emotional guy and he hasn’t quite figured out what to do with all his emotions yet.

Rachel talks to Lee next. He straight up lies to her face that Kenny violently pulled him out of a van. I’m pretty sure we would have seen that footage if it actually existed.

Lee says he can be pretty calculated at times. Oh, you think?

jon_Hamm_youre_an_asshole

Rachel asks to speak to Kenny again and asks if he pulled Lee out of a van. Kenny is shocked by the lie and denies it.

Kenny returns to where Lee is sitting. He laughs maniacally and ominously as he approaches Lee which…

Next Up: Episode 6

6 thoughts on “Bachelorette 2017 – Episode 4 5 6 Recap

  1. BEST RECAP EVER!!!! I laughed so hard reading this that I had to read it a second time and I am still laughing. Emily, your sense of humor is priceless!! This was so worth the wait. I’m grateful you took the time to write it. Thanks for providing me with my laughter therapy!

    • Hi, Marla.

      Thanks so much for your feedback and support. I’m glad I could provide you with laughter therapy!

      🙂

  2. I agree with Maria! This recap was one of your very BEST!!! Thanks for continuing to write. I don’t mind waiting to be entertained! Actually recapping a couple episodes at once makes a lot of sense, especially this season when there have been more than a couple episodes with not much happening! You had some great lines in there Emily. Your take on Lee had me laughing. His hair was way too much. I’m not certain that Bryan is as sincere & invested as Rachel but I’m hoping I’m wrong. She really didn’t have the most interesting group of guys but I’m still curious to see how it all plays out.

    • Hey, Julie.

      Sorry for the delayed response. I hope you subscribe to the comments or you’ll never see this.

      I guess we know now how the season turned out. I still don’t trust Bryan but I’m hoping I’m wrong since I want Rachel to be happy.

      I’m glad you enjoyed the recap. Thank you so much for your continued feedback and support! I really appreciate it.

      🙂

  3. I am pretty sure you covered it all and for the first time in weeks I enjoyed this very boring season, love Rachel, but I agree that she has lousy taste in men. Just like Marla and Julie I love your humor. You brought on the laughter. So worth the wait. Thank you!

    • Hey, Vicki.

      I’m glad the recap was worth the wait. Sorry for the delayed response. I’ve been running out of time every day for the last couple of months.

      I’m glad I could make the season a little better for you. For me, the most fascinating part was the last episode. If only the whole season had been that compelling.

      Thank you for your feedback and support!

      🙂

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