(AKA I don’t see race. Just look at all the black friends I have.)
Peter’s hometown is Madison, Wisconsin.
Peter must have been in a time warp while being on the show. He says he’s gotten to know Rachel “over the last few months”. Dude, it’s been four weeks max.
Rachel is worried that Peter isn’t ready to get engaged and hopes that meeting his family and friends will help him feel more comfortable dropping his walls.
Peter introduces Rachel to his friends.
Apparently, Peter at some point told Rachel that 8 out of 10 of his best friends are black and Rachel had to school him about not playing the “black friend card”.
Peter is my favorite contestant this season but I’m under no illusions about him being the sharpest tool in the shed.
Peter manages to get all of the black people who live in Wisconsin to come meet Rachel at a bar. Two black guys who happen to be in mixed race relationships. I feel like Peter’s trying to tell us something…
Peter pulls his two male friends aside for some “guy time”. He asks them how he’s supposed to know if someone is the person he should spend the rest of his life with.
I got news for you, buddy. You will NEVER know if someone is the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. Life is full of twists and turns. Sometimes people are right for each other for the moment but life inevitably changes people and forces us to grow. Sometimes we grow in the same direction, sometimes we grow in different directions.
This is one of the issues I have with marriage. You have to make a promise to someone you can’t possibly know ahead of time whether or not you can keep.
Peter’s friends offer him no comfort on that score.
Peter is terrified of getting down on one knee if it’s not right.
Alright, look, Peter. An engagement is not a marriage. If you like the girl and think she COULD be the one, get engaged. The ring is free and then you can figure out later if it’s meant to last or not. Sure, in the real world people figure out if it could last before they get engaged but this isn’t the real world, it’s The Bachelorette. There’s no shame in getting engaged and figuring all that sh*t out later. The percentage of couples from this show that last is miserably low so very few of us out here in Bachelor Nation are expecting this will actually work out. The only pressure you feel is that you put on yourself.
Next, Peter introduces Rachel to his family. Rachel notices how good Peter is with his young niece and sees what kind of father he could make. She’s kvelling.
Peter’s mom is everything Eric and Bryan’s mothers aren’t: calm with healthy boundaries. See how kids turn out when motherhood is done right?
Peter tells his mom that he has fears and doubts and his walls are up and he doesn’t know when they’ll come down.
After talking to Peter, Peter’s mom talks to Rachel and asks where she wants to be in four years.
Rachel wants to be married with more than one child.
I hate questions about the future. It’s so unpredictable. I don’t see myself anywhere in 4 years. I hope I’m happy and healthy but beyond that, I have no expectations because I have no control over the future. I only have control over this moment.
I think it’s the height of folly to think you can make a plan for your life and expect it will go exactly the way you want it to. You can choose your direction but you can never know where the path will ultimately lead you. As Veronica A. Shoffstall says, “Futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight”.
Rachel asks Peter’s mom if Peter is ready for marriage.
She says he’s ready for commitment but may not be ready to propose.
Rachel doesn’t want a boyfriend at the end of this.
OMG. This show is working my last nerve. All you ever get at the end of this show is a boyfriend or a girlfriend. The only difference between a regular boyfriend and a Bachelorette boyfriend is that there happens to be a ring involved. But that ring, as we are well aware, is a guarantee of nothing.
Regardless of Peter’s appallingly realistic approach to relationships, he’s happy with Rachel. He’s just worried that the other guys are professing their love and that he might get cut because he hasn’t.
(AKA That lavender sh*t show)
Dean hasn’t seen his dad in two years because he’s batshit cray.
After Dean’s mother died when he was 15, Dean’s father cut himself off from his family emotionally and became a Kundalini Yogi Sikh. WT f*cking F?
I almost died laughing when Dean was telling Rachel his father and stepmother’s religious names: Paramrupe (dad) and Santantar (stepmother). 😆
I don’t have an issue with people’s religious choices but Dean’s dad is a caricature of an enlightened yogi master and it’s hard not to laugh at this absurd little man with the lavender turban and nearly floor length tunic.
Unfortunately, the laughs end there.
The producers of this show were completely cruel and irresponsible in trying to exploit Dean’s obviously very serious family troubles for our entertainment.
It was clear in the interaction between Dean and his father that there is tremendous pain in their relationship.
I don’t know what Dean’s father was like before he became a Sikh but what I saw watching the show was a man who was so devastated and disoriented by the loss of his wife that he felt the only way to escape the pain was to hide within the confines of a way of life that would shield him from having to truly examine himself and take responsibility for his failures as a father.
When Dean confronts his father about abandoning his family, his dad says that in his religion, they believe that whatever negative aspect you see in someone else is what you see in yourself. So if Dean is mad at him, he’s actually mad at himself. What a convenient way to avoid ever having to cop to one’s mistakes.
Unless Dean’s father finds the fortitude and motivation to own up to his wounds and how his actions after his first wife’s death affected his children, Dean will never be able to have a normal relationship with him or find resolution with him.
Dean really needs therapy to try to resolve his feelings surrounding his father’s behavior and find closure and forgiveness.
I don’t see him being able to have a serious relationship with anyone because his pain is preventing him from being able to be vulnerable and open. He uses humor to deflect attention from his inner world which is clearly full of turmoil.
I think it was wrong of Rachel to tell Dean she was falling in love with him after he told her he was falling in love with her. I don’t know what she was thinking. Any objective observer could see that Rachel and Dean were never going to be a match and I have to think Rachel must have known too at that point. It was irresponsible of her.
While I found Dean’s father to be mostly a blind fool, I completely agreed with his decision to not have a heart-to-heart with Rachel until she was a permanent fixture in Dean’s life. He wasn’t so blind that he couldn’t see the producers were trying to exploit him and his family.
This was a new low in my mind by the producers of this franchise.
Before Rachel hands out her final three roses, she has a talk with Chris Harrison. She thinks Eric might be infatuated (he is), Bryan is self-aware (NOPE), Peter won’t be ready to propose (50/50 – the producers still have plenty of magic to work), and that Dean is confused about ALL of his feelings (100%). Two and a half out of 4 isn’t bad.
Rachel doesn’t want to let anyone go but she does.
When I was taking notes, I wrote down the order the roses would be handed out in before Rachel actually started the ceremony. This show is so transparent.
Dean goes home but he lets Rachel know he’s not thrilled with her for telling him she was falling in love with him right before she cut him as well he should.
I hope Dean got over this incident relatively quickly and is moving toward healing and peace.
Next: Episode 9[jetpack-related-posts]