Leah’s Dumbassery (AKA The night portion of the group date)
During the night time portion of the group date, we find out just how amazing Leah is when the only idea she can come up with to get a rose from Ben is to sabotage his relationship with another woman, the front-runner no less. *Face palm*
Leah plots while Becca sits down with Ben to discuss the awkwardness of the date due to the very obvious connection he seems to have with Lauren B. And then Becca drops the L-word: She really LIKES Ben. :O
Oh, dear Becca. You’re going to have to step it up. Lauren B. is already buttering Ben up with talk of meeting his parents and getting married and being together forever, all the things unlovable Ben has been dying to hear from a moderately attractive woman of average intelligence his whole adult life.
Liking Ben is not going to get him to put a ring on your finger. Everyone “likes” Ben. What’s not to like? It’s time to swipe your real L-card, Becca, even if you aren’t quite ready to swipe your V-card.
The conversation with Becca is enough to get Ben to wake up and realize that his obsession with Lauren B. is alienating the other women and he goes about sitting down with each one of them to reassure them that they’re good for at least another week probably… maybe.
When it’s Leah’s turn, she throws Lauren B. under the bus. She lets Ben know she’s not the same person with him as she is in the house. Nice try, Leah.
Unfortunately, she’s got no one to back up her false claims. Her feminine wiles are about as wily as Wile E. Coyote’s.
Back at the harem, the two-on-one card arrives for Emily and Olivia. Olivia states that she and Emily are the same age but she’s going to feel like Emily’s mom on the date. That’s not really saying much. I wouldn’t be surprised if Emily and Haley still play with Barbies and their real mom reads them Goodnight Moon every night before she gives them their binkies and sends them off to dreamyland.
Ben confronts Lauren B. with Leah’s claims, not revealing that Leah is the source. Lauren is like, “Wha…?!?!” So is everyone else including me and probably the majority of Bachelor Nation.
Lauren B. returns to the group and tearfully explains that she has been sabotaged. All the women look at each other in shock, trying to figure out which one of them did it in the observatory with a candlestick when Leah walks in looking about as innocent as Sylvester the Cat with a yellow feather sticking out of his mouth. (I’m not sure where all these Looney Toon references are coming from tonight.)
The girls are on to her despite her protests that she would never single anyone out.
Ben gives Amanda the group date rose. Did he just pull a name out of a hat? Seriously, I didn’t see that one coming. I thought it would have been Becca but sure, let’s go with Amanda ‘cause why not? Nothing seems to be making a whole lot of sense this season anyway.
The women return from the group date but Leah is determined to get a rose and the only way she can think of to do that is to thin the herd. She doesn’t have enough time to make an actual connection with Ben before the rose ceremony so she decides to try to overthrow the alpha female by visiting Ben in his chambers to do some more trash-talking. Big mistake. BIG. HUGE. I have to go shopping now…
Ben sees right through this childish ploy and sends insignificant Leah to the kiss and cry area. Bye, bitch. FINALLY. She should have been gone two weeks ago.
Leah: “If I’d known he was going to send me home [for sabotaging his favorite girlfriend], I wouldn’t have said anything.” Yeah, that’s usually how regret for the stupid sh*t we do works.
But despite Leah’s obvious immaturity in trying to get Ben’s attention, a seed of doubt has been planted in Ben’s mind about Lauren B. Whatever. I think all his doubts will disappear once he’s making out with her under a waterfall.
Emily vs. Olivia
The two-on-one begins with stormy seas and wind strong enough to turn Emily into Cousin It.
Emily is hoping Olivia will show her true colors to Ben. *Eye roll*
If Ben hasn’t picked up on just how weird Olivia is by now, he’s not going to. I really don’t think Olivia hides much of who she is.
The trio sits on the windy beach in awkward silence for a few minutes before Ben steals Olivia for some alone time.
He grills her some more about what she thinks is the issue between her and the other women in the house.
Olivia: “I’m not going to force myself to be friends with people I wouldn’t normally be friends with… I’m an introvert, an intellectual; I like to talk about religion and politics…” You can see Ben’s eyes glazing over (but mine are lighting up!) “…I’m falling in love with you.”
Kiss of death. Olivia is headed for The Bachelor gallows. But I am officially offering her my hand in friendship. I love you, Bachelor Nation, but I have to follow my heart. I am Team Olivia and I will accept her into my heart weird legs, cankles, dragon mouth, and all, for I know despite her edit, we are kindred.
Ben takes Emily away to babysit her until the producers give him the go ahead to give Olivia the axe. It can’t come quickly enough. Emily’s inane babbling is driving me batsh*t.
Finally, the goo goo ga ga is over and we return to the world of adult reality show relationships (not in any way to be confused with real world adult relationships). Ben grabs the rose and takes Olivia away. Was it really necessary to take the rose with him? The producers are bastards. I saw that misdirect coming a mile away but I’m pretty sure Olivia didn’t. That was a really f*cked up thing to do to her.
Ben cuts Olivia loose and then returns to the beach to give Emily the rose. WHY????? She’s going home next week so what’s the point? He should have left them both there on the beach. Instead, we’re left with an image of a freezing cold Olivia standing on a rocky point watching the yacht the trio sailed in on drive away. I’m sure a lot of people cheered that moment but to me, it was just mean.
I don’t think Olivia was ACTUALLY left on the beach and I’m sure the shot was staged but the reaction that shot was supposed to elicit in viewers, the rejoicing in leaving a woman stranded on a beach alone and heartbroken who’s probably struggled her whole life to fit in, is what sickened me. The Bachelor is trying to turn us all into The Plastics.
The Rose Ceremony
Amanda, Caila, and Emily have roses.
- Becca
- JoJo
- Lauren B. (Was there ever any doubt?)
Leah, Olivia, and Lauren H. go home.
Lauren H. whines about how she’s ready for love but it’s just not happening. Calm the f*ck down. You’re 25, you’re not ready for love even though you think you are, and you got dumped by a guy you probably only spent a couple of hours total talking to. It’s not exactly cancer.
We see a preview for the rest of the season. Most of it we saw before but we got to see more of Ben’s difficulty in deciding between his final two. It looks like he may pull a minor Mesnick. The edit makes it appear that Ben has a change of heart at the last second and calls someone from the final rose ceremony. It’s probably just his mom or something.
There’s also a shot of Ben walking on the beach with a couple of little girls which seems like a trick to make us think he’s going to visit Amanda’s family. Only problem is the girls look like twins. Amanda’s daughters are 2 years apart. It might be a misdirect.
So who are they then? I’m afraid to Google it for fear of seeing the ending spoiled. That happened to me once. I was looking up something about Whitney from Chris Soules’ season and boom! Ending spoiled. Thankfully, I wasn’t blogging yet.
I’m 99.9% certain Emily is going home next week. I’m still on the fence about who is going to take the fourth spot in the final four, Amanda or Caila. The possible misdirect makes me think it’s going to be Caila but I’m not prepared to make a prediction. Becca, JoJo, and Lauren B. are my final three. That hasn’t changed.
I guess I’ll find out next week how close my night one predictions were. To refresh your memory, I picked 3 of my final 4: Amanda, JoJo, and Lauren B. and said the 4th woman would be one of these 4: Jennifer, Olivia, Becca, or Caila. I was actually pretty close to picking the top 6 on night one with these 7 women. Emily beat out Jennifer and Olivia but not by much. If Emily makes it to hometowns though, I will be very annoyed. I don’t like being wrong, especially about someone I dislike so intensely.
Alright, see you guys next week! 🙂
My readers are really important to me and the best way to find me again is to subscribe to my blog. You can also follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/cafe_emily and/or like/follow me on Facebook: facebook.com/cafeemily. I know everyone and their brother asks you to do this stuff on the sites you visit but if you enjoy my content and want more, these are the absolute best and easiest ways to find me again.
Never subscribed to a blog before? Here’s how it works:
Enter your email in the subscribe field below
You’ll get a confirmation email. Click the confirmation link.
You’ll get an email whenever I’ve posted a new blog.
That’s all there is to it! No spam from me EVER. Cross my heart, hope to die.
[jetpack_subscription_form show_subscribers_total=0 title=”Like what you’re reading? Want more?” subscribe_text=”Subscribe to my blog and earn my undying loyalty and devotion!” subscribe_button=”Subscribe”]
If you don’t want to subscribe, you can also bookmark my page or Google “cafe emily bachelor”. My blog should come up at the top of the list. I’ve been seeing some search terms people use to find my site and discovered people are having trouble finding me. My favorite search term is “cafeteria emily”. That gave me the giggles. I love my readers!
I also really value your input so please, leave me a comment. Good or bad, I respond to all comments.
I’ve noticed that I’m getting visitors from all over the world so if you’re not a native English speaker, please, don’t let that stop you from posting! Your English doesn’t have to be perfect. I still want to hear from you! Talk to me Bachelor Nation.
Check out these other blogs I think you’ll enjoy:
Therese Odell’s blog – Spoiler free and if you like snark, you will love Therese.
OfficeStace.com – She does a nice, short and to the point spoiler-free recap.
IHateGreenBeans.com – Thorough, spoiler-free recaps by Lincee. Super nice lady too!
Some Guy in Austin – Spoiler-free guy’s perspective on the shows.
BachelorBurnbook.com – A compilation of the funniest tweets about all things Bachelor.
Reality Steve – SPOILER ALERT! Reality Steve is pretty caustic but love him or hate him, he’s entertaining and he’s the only truly accurate source for spoilers and “dirt” on contestants.
Sharleen Joynt’s Blog – Sharleen Joynt is the absolute bomb. She’s by far my favorite former Bachelor/ette contestant of all time. So glad I was finally able to find her blog to share with you guys. She is unsurprisingly the most insightful blogger about the Bachelor/ette/IP franchise.
Chris Harrison’s Blog – I don’t think he actually writes it but his ghost writer is damn clever.
Comments are closed.