Bachelor 2016: Episode 7 Recap

Ben and Amanda’s “One-On-One”

For the night time portion of the date, Ben takes Amanda to McDonald’s. One of my friends posted on either Facebook or Twitter that The Bachelor was filming a date inside her McDonald’s last fall. I commented that it must be the princess date.

Seriously? McDonald’s? I can’t remember the last time I went into a McDonald’s to sit down and eat that wasn’t just a pit stop on my way to somewhere more interesting. McDonald’s is a human refueling station and nothing more.

But Ben wants to do something “normal”. So he takes over a McDonald’s in a tiny town in Indiana with a camera crew and a miniature woman who could easily be the lovechild of Minnie Mouse and Tinkerbell and hands out quarter-pounders at the drive-thru. Yeah, nothing strange about that.

After they finish up playing Mr. and Mrs. Ronald McDonald, Amanda and Ben are treated to their own personal carnival in the middle of Warsaw. More normalcy.

If you think about it, the whole date was like an acid trip. I could easily see one or both of them waking up the next morning and wondering if any of it was real.

Btw, Ben screams like a little girl on roller coasters.

Emily and Ben’s One-On-One

This was hands down the most entertaining part of the episode.

We open with this line from Emily as she’s looking at two white, long-necked, feathered creatures (AKA swans) swimming in the lake near the dock: “Don’t laugh. Are those swans?”

I guess Emily forgot her See-and-Say at home. Oh, Emily. How you take me back to my early years. My VERY early years. I thank you for inspiring my featured image this week.

Ben wonders if Emily is ready to be a wife. Oh, you think? No one else is wondering that, Sherlock Higgins. We all KNOW she isn’t ready to be a wife.

Back at the hotel, the other women suspect Emily is going to meet Ben’s parents. My question is why? Why on Earth would they think that Ben would choose Emily, who they all know is about as much threat to Ben’s heart as a blind, armless cupid who’s run out of arrows, to introduce to his parents? (Don’t ask me how an armless cupid could run out of arrows. You’re not supposed to be paying that close attention to my dumb jokes.)

The only reasonable answer is that the producers told them Emily was going to meet Ben’s parents.

If this was an attempt to get us to think for two seconds that Emily had a snowball’s shot in hell of making it to the final four, it failed miserably. Her fate was pretty much sealed for me when she asked about the swans.

And then when she talked Ben’s mom’s ear off about her aspirations to be a Denver Broncos cheerleader and her belief that she was pretty average at everything but was convinced she’d be an above-average mom, I could almost see the blood drain from poor Mrs. Higgins’ face. (I’m also convinced Emily’s bar for average is probably significantly below average. If her IQ tops 90, I’d be very surprised.)

Then when Ben’s mom was in tears when she questioned Ben whether or not he thought Emily was too young to be a wife, that was just classic. I wouldn’t want to meet any of Ben’s other love interests from the show after meeting Emily.

Both Ben and his parents question Emily’s suitability. I think it’s funny that the show is actually posing this as a serious question. As if Ben didn’t already know based on his deep conversations with Emily about such engrossing topics as her skittles and cheeseburger diet that she wasn’t wife material.

The whole thing was just an intelligence-insulting show put on by producers to convince us Ben was actually considering Emily as a serious candidate to be his future wife so imagine my complete lack of surprise when Ben sits her down and let’s her know he doesn’t see her as his wife and it’s time to go home to Mommy and Haley.

Yes, I was thrilled. I cannot tell a lie.

Emily returns to the hotel to let the others know she’s been cut loose and bizarrely, everyone erupts into tears. Um… why? I understand not wanting to jump for joy over another girl’s loss but how did they manage tears? All but one of them is going home in the end. It’s not a perpetual slumber party.

I will say this for Emily. Her exit was graceful. But that’s all I will say for her.

The Rose Ceremony

Ben is conflicted. I think he forgot he was going to have to cut one of the remaining 5 women tonight. It looks like he hasn’t given it much thought. Chris Harrison sits down with Ben to try to help him come to a quick decision. Our host has been on the clock for 5 minutes without someone handing him a paycheck for hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend on coke and hookers and he wants to go home ASAP. (I’m kidding… about the coke and hookers. But, hey, it’s Hollywood, people. You never know. There are plenty of people here who aren’t rich and famous who partake of coke and hookers. It’s called Saturday.)

We see shots of Caila feeling like something is wrong and questioning whether she’s going to move on. So this is when I know Becca’s fate has been sealed. Because if Caila was going to get cut, we’d be hearing all of Becca’s fears about whether Ben is really into her or not. This show is so obvious.

Ben says there’s one woman with whom his relationship isn’t quite at the level the others are at and he returns to the rose ceremony to deliver the blow.

Amanda already has a rose.

1. Lauren
2. JoJo
3. Caila

And with that, Becca is blindsided. As Ben walks her away from the rest of the women, she asks him why he did that after she asked him not to. Defensively, Ben says he didn’t know what he was going to do until the last minute.

So was he telling the truth? And did the decision really come down to Caila or Becca? He seemed really out of sorts so I think he was being honest. If Caila got the 4th spot in the final four by a photo finish, does that mean she’ll be going home next week?

I’m very unnerved by Ben’s final four. Something about it seems off. The more I think about it, the less convinced I am that any of them are wife material for Ben. Caila’s confused. JoJo and Ben just don’t seem like a match. She’s a little too strong and too mature for him. Amanda is cute and sweet but strikes me as too young for Ben. And Lauren is an enigma. All I know is that Ben is way more into her than anyone else but I know nothing about her other than that she’s a flight attendant.

And the preview of the final episode definitely leads me to believe that he struggles between his final two. We already know he tells both of them he loves them. So who besides Lauren is Ben in love with? Because I’ve seen zero evidence that Ben has close to the feelings he has for Lauren for anyone else based on the footage presented this season.

Do you guys have any ideas?

See you next week!

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Check out these other blogs I think you’ll enjoy:

Therese Odell’s blog – Spoiler free and if you like snark, you will love Therese.
OfficeStace.com – She does a nice, short and to the point spoiler-free recap.
IHateGreenBeans.com – Thorough, spoiler-free recaps by Lincee. Super nice lady too!
Some Guy in Austin – Spoiler-free guy’s perspective on the shows.
BachelorBurnbook.com – A compilation of the funniest tweets about all things Bachelor.
Reality Steve – SPOILER ALERT! Reality Steve is pretty caustic but love him or hate him, he’s entertaining and he’s the only truly accurate source for spoilers and “dirt” on contestants.
Sharleen Joynt’s Blog – Sharleen Joynt is the absolute bomb. She’s by far my favorite former Bachelor/ette contestant of all time. So glad I was finally able to find her blog to share with you guys. She is unsurprisingly the most insightful blogger about the Bachelor/ette/IP franchise.
Chris Harrison’s Blog – I don’t think he actually writes it but his ghost writer is damn clever.

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