Bachelorette 2015 Recap: Nick is in and Ian’s out!

The Cocktail Party

Ian knows Kaitlyn’s not into him so he’s decided to go out in a blaze of glory (or Bachelor infamy – you say tomato, I say tomato… hey, that looks the same in print).

Kaitlyn makes a toast to honesty.

“Kaitlyn wants the truth but I don’t think she can handle the truth…” Okay, Jack Nicholson. “…I have the brains, the looks, the heart… I could be The Bachelor….” You might want to take another trip down the yellow brick road again. I think the wizard definitely skimped on the heart and did you even ask for courage? “…Against all of my logic, Kaitlyn doesn’t like me…” One, I think your logic may be flawed given that you’re a pompous jerk. Two, love isn’t about logic but you would know that if your heart was a little meatier…

“…I am an enigma and who I am is a gift you unwrap for life…” I think I just threw up in my mouth. How do you feel about being re-gifted? “…Kaitlyn’s here to have a good time and make out with a bunch of dudes on TV. I’m not here to have a good time…” That’s obvious. “…I have a lot of sex in my regular life.” Congratulations. Why don’t you go home and screw a bunch of chicks who are hotter than Kaitlyn and make yourself feel better about the fact that not only did she not want you even before she knew what a d*ck you are, but that you made an idiot of yourself on national TV in front of millions of women who now don’t want you either.

Ian steals Kaitlyn away to make his “last stand”: “I came here for love. I came here to meet the girl who got her heart broken by Chris Soules, not the girl who wanted her field to get plowed. I feel like you’re here to make out with a bunch of dudes on TV… I really see you as a surface level person. I wonder if you’re really that shallow because I don’t see anything beyond the surface.”

Ian, maybe you don’t see anything beyond the surface because it’s YOU who are the surface level person and therefore you can’t. Someone who touts their Ivy League degree as something to be fawned over doesn’t strike me as someone looking to be loved for who they are beyond the surface. You’re not your face or your body or your Alma Mater. You’re a human who got a little lucky in the genetic lottery. If you want to be loved for you, put YOURSELF out there, NOT your looks and scholastic achievements.

Right before the screen cuts to black, Kaitlyn looks like she wants to punch Ian in the head.

They show the preview for next week. Looks like Ian’s gonna leave (good riddance) and Kaitlyn’s gonna do it with someone.  It looks like it’s NOT Shawn but the preview could be a manipulative edit. Shawn approaches Kaitlyn upset, “Do you know what we have? It’s insane.”

If it’s Nick, I don’t see him lasting beyond next week. But since he’s probably gonna get a one-on-one soon and it’s probably going to happen with someone who has a one-on-one… eek. It will be boring again if Nick leaves but who’s left who she could possibly have a one-on-one with that she might be inclined to sleep with? Unless it’s someone who sneaks into her room for a late night visit. But she really only has crazy chemistry with Shawn and Nick. It’s got to be one of them. I would really like to see Shawn and Nick battle it out to the end so if it is one of them, I hope she keeps the person she sleeps with.

My final four has changed. I no longer think Chris is in the running unless Nick or Shawn leaves. I don’t see a connection with him.

• Nick
• Shawn
• Ben Z.
• Ben H.

Alternates:

1. Jared
2. Chris
3. Joe

At the tail end, we see Kaitlyn sing HER mariachi song to the guys. She has a very pretty voice:

“Hey, there you boys in your tight pants
Listen up as I sing you my song
Don’t be like Kupah, Clint, or Tony
They’re the reason they’re all gone.”

See you next week! 🙂

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