The Interview Questions
Question 1 to Miss Colorado: The treasury wants to put the face of a woman on the ten dollar bill next to Alexander Hamilton. Which woman should get that honor and why?
Colorado’s answer: “Thank you for that question. The person I would put on the ten dollar bill would be Ellen DeGeneres. I think that woman is so amazing. Not only is she kind, not only is she intelligent, not only is her entire platform speaking tolerance, equality for all, and kindness but she’s able to be funny without insulting someone and I think that is an incredible feat.” Though I disagree with her choice, I give her a 10.
My answer: Harriet Tubman. She risked her life repeatedly to fight for equality for all, freedom, and tolerance, the values that form the foundation of what America stands for, in her efforts to free slaves via the underground railroad. Her existence represented the very essence of America. (280 characters)
Question 2 to Miss South Carolina: America loves our second amendment but gun violence continues to be a tragic problem. Do you support a ban on military-style assault weapons?
South Carolina’s answer: “I don’t but I think it’s because we need to increase education. We have to go back there and teach people the proper way to use guns then we will reduce the risk of having gun-related, um, gun-related accidents. It starts with education.” I completely disagree but that’s not why I’m giving her an 8. It just wasn’t a compelling or thoughtful answer.
My answer: The purpose of the second amendment was to give the citizens of this nation a way to overcome a corrupt government. Given the scope of our current military’s weapon technology, assault weapons have been rendered useless for this purpose. Thus, assault weapons should be banned. (277 characters)
Question 3 to Miss Tennessee: Some legislators are threatening to shut down the government over federal contributions to Planned Parenthood even though no federal funds can be used for abortions. Should federal funding to Planned Parenthood be cut off?
Tennessee’s answer: “I don’t think Planned Parenthood’s funding should be cut off. The 500 million dollars that gets given to Planned Parenthood every single year goes to female care. It goes for scanning for cancer, it goes for mammograms and if we don’t give that funding to Planned Parenthood, women will be out of healthcare for reproductive causes.” I mostly agree though her answer wasn’t very articulate. I give her a 9.
My answer: Planned Parenthood gives women free access to family planning and reproductive health services which is correlated with a happier and more educated society. Not only should funding to Planned Parenthood not be cut, but they SHOULD be able to use that funding to pay for abortions. (280 characters)
Question 4 to Miss Alabama: According to a poll released this week, Donald Trump is leading republican candidates by 32% of the vote. Why do you think he’s leading by such an overwhelming margin?
Alabama’s answer: “I think Donald Trump is an entertainer and I think he says what’s on a lot of people’s minds but I think that the republican party should be absolutely terrified of all the attention that he’s taking from incredible candidates like Jeb Bush and Chris Christie who could absolutely do the job of the President of the United States and if I were a republican, I would absolutely be terrified of that.”
So she’s from Alabama and she thinks Jeb Bush or Chris Christie would make good presidents but she’s not a republican? I’m skeptical. However, I give her answer a 9. I would have given her a 10 if her answer hadn’t been one long run-on sentence.
My answer: Donald Trump is a charismatic speaker who plays to the fears of the republican base which are largely a construct of propaganda media outlets like Fox News. However, I do believe cooler heads will prevail when it comes time to decide a realistic republican nominee for president. (279 characters)
Question 5 to Miss Georgia: (Let it be noted that Miss Georgia claimed not to have heard the question the first time around so she got to hear the question twice) New England Patriots’ quarterback, Tom Brady, was suspended for his part in the so-called “deflate-gate” scandal. Then he was reinstated by the courts. Legalities aside, did Tom Brady cheat?
Georgia’s answer: “Did he cheat? That’s a good question. I’m not sure. I think I’d have to be there to see the ball and feel it and make sure it was deflated or not deflated but um if there was question there, then yes, I think he cheated. If there was any question to be had, I think that he definitely cheated and there that he should have been suspended for that. That’s not fair.” Huh? That’s what is commonly referred to as a “flub”. I give her a 6.
My answer: Yes, Tom Brady cheated. The footballs he deflated gave a clear advantage to his team which is the very definition of cheating. The courts were wrong to overturn his suspension. Brady should have been fined or imprisoned, and without question, permanently banned from the NFL. (275 characters)
Question 6 to Miss Mississippi: Kentucky County Clerk, Kim Davis, was jailed for defying the Supreme Court’s order to issue same-sex marriage licenses. She claims the order violates her religious freedom. Does it?
Mississippi’s answer: “It absolutely does not violate her religious freedom. That is her job that she was voted into doing and that law is a federal law throughout the country so yes, she did violate the law there. Thank you.” No one asked if Kim Davis violated the law. They asked if her religious freedom had been violated. Miss Mississippi answered the question but did not give a valid explanation for her answer. I give her a 7.
My answer: No, Kim Davis’s religious freedom was not violated. As a federal employee, she is mandated to carry out the law regardless of her religious beliefs. She took an oath to that effect when she was sworn into office. If she were a private employee, my answer would be different. (274 characters)
Question 7 to Miss Louisiana: The Black Lives Matter movement grew as a reaction to unarmed African Americans being killed by police. Now there are voices raised that call it a hate group. They say it should be called “All Lives Matter.” What do you think?
Louisiana’s answer: “I believe that black lives matter, all lives matter. It shouldn’t matter what we base our labels on. Everybody matters and I think that we can stop all the violence with police brutality with body cameras and making sure that all of our policemen are trained and ready to go into the field. Every life matters.” Well, that was the feel-good answer but she never actually directly addressed “Black Lives Matter” being deemed a hate group. Still, a solid response. I give her an 8.5.
My answer: The Black Lives Matter movement should not be deemed a hate group. Yes, all lives matter without question. But if, as a nation, we truly believed that, the Black Lives Matter movement would never have arisen. We still have work to do to achieve the dream of racial equality. (274 characters)
So that marks the end of MY Miss America 2016 pageant. Let me tally the votes and see who the winner is…
- In 7th place: Miss Mississippi
- In 6th place: Miss Georgia (Wah wah. See what happens when brains matter more than looks?)
- In 5th place: Miss Colorado (She would have won if she’d had an actual talent.)
- In 4th place: Miss South Carolina
- In 3rd place: Miss Alabama
- In 2nd place: Miss Tennessee
And MY Miss America 2016 is… Miss Louisiana! (The crowd goes wild.)
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First, great shout out to Buuttt-taaa! The Miss Georgia opera was amazing – the interview question answer, not so much. Of your interview answers, my favorites were 1 and 7, but all of them beat the contestants answers. So, I vote you as Miss America!
I thought you would like the shout out. Yeah, I was pretty floored by Miss Georgia’s performance as well. I’ve never seen a pageant contestant who was actually REALLY talented. Everyone else was just okay.
My favorite answers were 1 and 7 too! Mostly because the questions were thought-provoking so it was fun to answer them. The rest of the questions were pretty run-of-the-mill and easy to answer. My stances were nothing anyone hasn’t heard from a liberal-leaning type before. But you know how I like to be long-winded. Working within the 280 characters was the real challenge.
Awwww! Thanks, babe, for voting me as Miss America. I’ve probably got about 100 years at the gym to look as good as those women did in their bikinis and by then I’ll be dead or a REALLY rotten-fruit-face.