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Nick and Vanessa find love at Zero-G

Bachelor 2017 Recap: Episode 3

Bachelor 2017 Recap Episode 3

Fortunately, this was a more interesting episode than last week’s. We finally got some quality Vanessa time which I’m very happy about.

The episode opens with the girls from Liz’s date telling the mansion-bound girls about what transpired the previous night. Liz and Nick had sex, Liz went home, Christen got the date rose. Wait, why did Christen get…

…before I can finish my thought, we’re thrust into the cocktail party.

Nick addresses the women: Just in case any of you were in a coma the last 12 hours don’t know, I met Liz at Jade and Tanner’s wedding and we got sloppy drunk and attempted to make Kamasutra: The Movie had sex. If any of you are interested in making a sequel have any questions, feel free to ask me about it. I’m a filthy man slut who feels no shame in discussing my past sexual conquests with my future sexual conquests an open book.

(I kid Nick because I love him… mostly.)

The cocktail party is pretty standard fare. The Liz drama turns out to be much ado about nothing which is usually the case with anything that ends up in the season preview. The women are mostly okay with the fact that Nick slept with Liz.

I’m not sure why the producers keep trying to make it look like there’s going to be something big and dramatic that’s going to happen in the season preview. In 21 seasons, not a single dramatic storyline shown in the season preview has turned out to be as salacious as it was made to look.

Do they think we’re new? Is it just tradition now? Is the Bachelor like that grandpa who keeps asking us to pull his finger even though we know what’s going to happen and he knows we know what’s going to happen but we just keep going along with it anyway because we know it makes him happy?

are_you_enjoying_this_i_sure_am_not_amused_girl

Corinne is a one-trick pony. Once again, she tries to derail Nick with sex. She dresses up in lingerie and a trench coat and tracks down a producer who hands her a can of whipped cream. Corinne is ready for the “commitment” of exploring Nick sexually. Usually, it’s guys who mistake sex for love. Corinne seems to not only mistake sex for love but power for love so by the transitive property, sex = power.

math_is_sexy_teacher

Unfortunately for Corinne, she doesn’t realize that Nick f*cks almost as easily and as often as he breathes. No matter how platinum Corinne’s p*ssy may be, it can hold no power over a man who has a near constant buffet of p*ssy to choose from.

Nick happily licks the whipped cream out of Corinne’s mouth and off her breast then calls her a troublemaker, pats her on the head, and leaves to go speak to Jasmine.

Nick: While I’m trying to figure out a way to bang Corinne before I kick her to the curb appreciate everything that is Corinne, I need toΒ make sure the other women don’t find out about it be respectful to the other women in the house. I don’t think giving into this moment is going to do me anybody any good especially since the women I’m actually interested are probably beginning to suspect what an utter philanderer I am after the Liz situation.

Sticky and half-naked, Corinne tries to pick up the pieces of her dignity ego off the Bachelor mansion driveway (I’m sure she isn’t the first and won’t be the last). She closes her trench coat and runs into the mansion to cry to Lacey(?)

Corinne: That was the WORST! The conversation [is that what the kids are calling it these days?] with Nick was really bad! WE HAVE NO FUTURE! πŸ˜₯

Technically, you never had a future but still…

drama

After Corinne is spent from her temper tantrum, she decides to skip the rose ceremony (since she already has a rose) and go night night.

I don’t think there’s any written rule that you HAVE to attend a rose ceremony but it’s really inconsiderate to the other women. There’s a lot of waiting around on a film set and I’m sure at least an hour was wasted trying to figure out if they were going to get Corinne out of bed or shoot the rose ceremony without her.

Rose Ceremony

Nick immediately notices Corinne’s absence. Or he was told to notice. In a room full of 20 women a man barely knows, is he really going to notice one is missing even if he did lick whipped cream off her boob?

Nick apologizes to the women for Corinne’s absence. He is not amused.

nick_viall_rose_ceremony_someones_getting_a_spanking

Corinne, Danielle M., and Christen all have roses.

  1. Astrid
  2. Taylor
  3. Whitney
  4. Kristina
  5. Danielle L
  6. Rachel
  7. Vanessa
  8. Raven
  9. Jaime
  10. Dominique
  11. Sarah
  12. Alexis
  13. Brittany
  14. Josephine
  15. Jasmine

Heather W., Lacey, Hailey, and Liz go home. I’m a little surprised about Hailey. I thought she would have lasted longer.

Group Date 1 (AKA White Nerds Can’t Dance)

Chris Harrison brings the date card with the preface that “we’ve really outdone ourselves this time”.

  • Danielle L.
  • Christen
  • Kristina
  • Whitney
  • Taylor
  • Jasmine
  • Corinne

Inside the card: “Everybody.”

The girls are confused… and then “Everybody” by the Backstreet Boys is pumped through the speakers in the house. Enter the Backstreet Boys singing along to their song.

The girls:

Fangirls-Freakout

ME:

Gomez_Addams_bored

I’ll just pretend I didn’t notice that the girls were all dressed in workout clothes and ready to go before Chris arrived with the date card…

The lucky girls chosen for this date arrive at a dance studio where they are informed they will be backup dancers for the Backstreet Boys that night in front of an audience of at least 500 people. Wow, the B-Boys’ stock has tanked.

The girl who the Boys think has the best connection with Nick will get bonus time with Nick.

Nick and the girls start learning the choreography (or “planned dancing” as Corinne calls it). Jasmine and Danielle L. kill it. Corinne is not coordinated and can’t remember the steps (I feel your pain, girl).

Nick (to Corinne): Are you feeling better, Sleeping Beauty?

dripping_sarcasm

Corinne sheepishly says yes and pretends to be a good sport until Nick leaves. Then she promptly gets fed up trying to learn the dance and goes to the bathroom to cry and bitch to the new Lacey, Whitney, since Lacey went home.

Showtime: The girls are dressed in skin tight red tops, black booty shorts, and black chokers. Ah, the ’90s.

Taylor, Christen, Whitney, and Kristina dancing:

girls_dancing_mean_girls

Jasmine dancing:

beyonce-dancing

 

Danielle L. dancing (it would not surprise me if she used to be a stripper):

pole_dancer

Corinne dancing:

britney_spears_dancing

How Nick THINKS he dances:

napoleon_dynamite_dancing

How Nick ACTUALLY dances:

white_guy_dance

After the nightmare is over, the Backstreet Boys decide Nick and Danielle have the best connection.

Danielle’s reward? An incredibly awkward slow-dance with Nick to the B-Boys singing “I Want It That Way” acapella (which sounds god awful without auto-tune) in front of 500 silent strangers. She is then treated to a sloppy, high-school kiss from Nick.

Corinne is not amused.

Next Up: Group Date 1 – Night Portion and Vanessa’s One-On-One

15 thoughts on “Bachelor 2017 Recap: Episode 3

  1. The chemistry with Vanessa was definitely the strongest and maybe the most genuine I have ever seen on this show. I hope she stays true to herself and doesn’t take any of his crap. I like the way she confronted him-she was direct and calm. Sorry, but I’m not a fan of Nick….never have been and am doubtful it will change but I was hoping we might see some real growth in him. Sadly, I am not seeing it but if he gets rid of Corrine I may gain a bit of hope and respect for this season. Thanks for posting.

    • I agree that the connection between Nick and Vanessa was strong. I like her a lot. Nick definitely needs someone who won’t take crap.

      I really can’t fault Nick for not getting rid of Corinne. His hands are tied. She was cast as the villain and he doesn’t get to choose everyone who stays. Basically, on night one, the leads tell the producers a handful of people they’re interested in and the producers choose the rest of the people who get roses. She was cast as the villain so she’s probably got a free ride to the top 9 or so. She might get the boot on the two-on-one they showed in the preview last night but it’s iffy.

      What continually surprises me about the women who go on these shows is that they don’t know enough about the show to realize one of them will be a villain and that person isn’t going to get cut for a while. It’s the same story every season. The only villains I recall who were ever chosen by the lead were Courtney and Vienna but Vienna wasn’t much of a villain. Just misunderstood. Courtney and Ben broke up shortly after he realized he’d been conned.

      Michelle Money made it to the top 5 or 6 but Corinne WILL go home. It’s only a matter of time.

      This show is heavily, heavily produced and planned. Not all of Nick’s decisions are his.

      That doesn’t mean Nick is an angel but Corinne being there is not from his lack of ability to recognize she’s not fit for marriage. Recall how he told Vanessa to “be patient about the Corinne situation”. To me that was the best way he could say without actually saying, “I’m going to get rid of her but I can’t yet.”

      I worry that Vanessa doesn’t know enough about the show to understand that he’s not keeping Corinne because he wants to but because he has to and will leave.

      I’ve been on the fence about Nick for a long time. I liked him on Andi’s season and I gave him the benefit of the doubt on Kaitlyn’s season. But it’s hard to see him as the great guy he appeared to be on BIP when his actions are saying he’s a fame whore.

      As everyone else’s opinion of him went up, mine went down. But he’s still interesting despite his flaws but the flaws I see are probably not the flaws that other people see. I have things in common with Nick and that makes it hard to hate him but I also can’t help but notice the things about him that I consider immoral, specifically perpetually seeking out the limelight and not being attentive to his fans. I can’t stand it when people let a little bit of fame go to their heads and start thinking they’re better than other people. That’s what I’m afraid has happened to him.

      If he chooses Vanessa or Danielle M., I’ll feel like he’s serious about marriage. If he chooses Danielle L., I’ll feel like he isn’t serious and was just using this opportunity to gain for followers on social media.

      Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate it! πŸ™‚

    • Hey, Caroline.

      Did you lose your first comment? I rescued it from the spam folder but I see it’s similar to the first comment.

      Anyway, thanks so much for your feedback. I really appreciate it! πŸ™‚

  2. Hilarious! It would be hard for me to pick my favorite parts, but if I did, it would have to be where you draw a line through what people are really thinking and replace it with the usual hogwash. Thank you!

    • Thanks, Melissa!

      Telling me what you like actually really helps me figure out how to fine-tune my work. I only started blogging about the show during Kaitlyn’s season so I’m still trying to find my voice as a blogger about reality TV. I usually write more serious stuff but this franchise brings out the snark in me so I decided to start writing about it.

      Thank you for your continued feedback and support! πŸ™‚

  3. Emily, you don’t have to fine-tune anything about your recaps. They are always fun to read and you always mention something that I never noticed during the show. I hope you enjoy writing your blogs as much as I enjoy reading them.

    • Thanks, Vicki!

      I enjoy writing but it’s a lot of work. It would be easier if I weren’t sick. I could do the whole blog by Wednesday.

      I’m glad you like my writing as it is. But it started out differently. I didn’t use images. I just wrote.

      Then I saw some other blogs and incorporated some of the things I liked into my blogs. And I come up with new schtick all the time.

      I’m my harshest critic. Most writers are

      Anyway, thank you for your continued support and feedback. I really appreciate it!

  4. Thanks for another funny recap Emily. I also enjoy reading through your comments & the responses to your comments. Lots of interesting insight. I get a kick out of the gifs & especially appreciated the Rupaul one as I just recently became a drag race fan! I think you’re right about Nick and the whole fame whore thing. All that attention & adoration must be intoxicating. Nevertheless, being a romantic at heart myself, I’m hoping this genuinely works for him. At this point his relationship with Vanessa looks very promising. One thought that struck me recently about Nick is that it is so obvious that he really likes women & really has a good time getting to know them. I know a lot of guys do of course but I think there are some guys that are just better at being friends with & appreciating women & Nick is one of those guys. That may just keep getting him into trouble! We shall see.

    • Hi, Julie.

      Sorry for the delayed response. I lost track of the comments because I got so behind. I actually don’t watch a lot of the shows I use gifs from so I didn’t know I used one from Drag Race. I just do Google image searches for things that will capture my mood.

      I’m glad you enjoy reading the comments and responses. Not everyone subscribes to them so I don’t know who’s reading the comments section and who isn’t.

      I don’t think Nick is a bad guy. I think he’s just discovering himself and maybe growing up a little late. I don’t think he had the greatest self-esteem when he first appeared on the show so the fame is making him a little drunk on being admired. I think he’ll sober up eventually though but I don’t see him leaving the limelight any time soon.

      I definitely get that Nick is the kind of guy who is friends with women whether or not he’s interested in them romantically. Most of my friends are men. I just tend to have more in common with them. I think it’s because I was really close with my dad growing up and not so much with my mom. We had a role reversal in my house. My dad was the nurturer and my mom was the disciplinarian.

      It does get people into trouble in some ways to be better friends with the opposite sex. There’s too much opportunity for the boundary between friendship and romance to get blurred. But I find it also makes it better for my partners that I’m able to relate to them and understand them.

      I see Nick being able to do that with a potential partner but I think he still has some growing to do. I hope Vanessa will push him. I think it’s between her and Rachel at this point.

      Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate it! πŸ™‚

  5. Count me in as a fan of the strikethrough text – hilarious. Also love the images and GIFs. And “He’s just not that into you” was such a cute movie. Keep up the great work!

    • Hi, Jennifer.

      The week 3 comments that came in later in the week got lost in the shuffle so I’m sorry for the delayed response.

      Thanks for letting me know what you like about the blogs.

      I LOVE “He’s Just Not That Into You”. It was cute and full of important relationship wisdom.

      Thanks for the comment! Hope you’re well. πŸ™‚

  6. On point with your gif game, loved the dancing ones, and the strikethrough text.
    Was hoping Nick would maybe reform himself, but he has a big mumble turnoff, seems unready for committment so yesssssssssssss call him out gf!
    I feel like your blog is one of the better ones this season,
    would you think of doing rupauls drag race, or a top chef?

    • Hi, DG.

      Sorry for the delayed response.

      I’m glad you like the gifs and strikethrough text.

      I can’t fault Nick too much for his mumbling. I’m a mumbler and can’t do anything about it. It’s anatomical.

      But I agree that he’s not quite ready for commitment. I hope he finds love this season but I fear he may end up breaking up with his final girl if he doesn’t get it together.

      It’s backbreaking for me just to cover this one show and I can only really do it because it’s something I feel inspired by. Aside from the Bachelor franchise, the only other reality TV I watch is The Voice and Big Brother, neither of which inspire me to write about them. I do watch Project Runway but I fast forward through all the drama to see the runway shows.

      I don’t even know if I’m going to keep covering The Bachelor. It’s really exhausting. I’m going to finish out the season with Nick but depending on who the Bachelorette is, I may quit. Nick is my favorite male contestant in the show’s history, warts and all. The bar has been set very high in terms of compelling leads and I’m not sure I’ll be able to go back to covering an ordinary person again.

      Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate it! πŸ™‚

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