Bachelor 2017 Recap Episode 6
Hello, Bachelor Nation.
I had to pick my jaw up off the floor at the end of this episode. We lost half the cast but that’s not what really blew my mind. It was that Nick sent Danielle L. home.
But first things first…
The episode resumes with Taylor barging in on Nick and Corinne at dinner after Nick gave her the boot on the two-on-one. Nick reluctantly agrees to hear Taylor out and steps outside leaving Corinne alone to stew in her narcissism-fueled insecurities.
Taylor is under the impression that Nick cut her because he believed Corinne when she said Taylor was a bully and had called her names.
Nick’s response: I don’t think you’re a bully. I have the utmost respect for you and I don’t have respect for bullies.
But right now you’re preventing me from sticking my tongue down Corinne’s throat so, with respect, get back in the f*ck off van and get thee to the airport. Buh-bye.
Nick and Taylor had no chemistry and nothing to talk about. She never stood a chance. Corinne is bringing the sex appeal. Yes, she’s immature. Yes, she’s a terrible choice for Nick. He needs to figure that out for himself and I have every confidence he will but he’s going to have his cake and eat it too while he still can.
Most men never get the opportunity to openly date a harem of women and most men would leap at the chance. Nick is simply taking advantage of the opportunity he’s been afforded.
And if in some bizarre twist of fate, Nick chose Corinne, then I’m sure he’s regretting his decision right now. But I don’t think he’s that dumb. If he is, well, there’s really no hope for him and he wasn’t worth any of these women’s time.
I’m actually surprised that Taylor thought Nick was foolish enough to cut a woman because of someone else’s words. She’s a mental health counselor. I would expect a little more emotional intelligence from someone who continually beats the drum about it.
Let the bloodbath begin…
Chris Harrison announces there will be no cocktail party.
Corinne, Danielle M., and Rachel have roses.
- Danielle L.
How Whitney made it to the top 9 with less than 10 seconds of airtime is beyond me.
Josephine, Jaimi, and Alexis go home. No surprises here. It was only a matter of time.
St. Thomas Island
Probably the funniest thing that happened this whole episode had nothing to do with the show. It was this local story that was being advertised in L.A.:
Only in L.A. would serving someone a cold taco be grounds for murder.
Raven: St. Thomas is a great place to fall in love… and a great place to send people home.
Did I not say last week we were going to get 10 minutes of an episode dedicated to Kristina’s backstory? About the only thing interesting about this date to me is that I predicted it was going to happen.
As Nick and Kristina take off on their INCREDIBLY BORING date, Jasmine freaks out because deep down she knows that all of the women who had a shot with Nick have already had one-on-ones. Even Kristina is too late to establish a relationship with Nick.
Don’t any of these girls watch the show? The first 5 women to get one-on-ones are the only girls who have a shot at getting engaged and it’s usually the second or third girl to get a one-on-one who ends up with the ring.
Alright. Let’s get this snooze fest over with.
Nick: I’m looking forward to getting
back to the hotel. I have a mani-pedi booked for 5 o’clock to know Kristen? Kristy? Krispy Kreme? Kristina oh, right. The Russian chick better. I’m hoping by sharing more saliva intimate moments it will help make me look like less of a douche if I listen to her sob story about growing up poor in Slovenkia before I kick her to the curb next week build our relationship. This may be the night one of many that Kristina and I DEFINITELY DON’T fall in love.
Kristina: I was adopted from Russia when I was 12. I have three adopted siblings and four of my siblings are my parents’ real children. I have a sister back in Russia I still talk to sometimes but we don’t have much in common.
I can already tell I’m not getting through this without hard alcohol.
Kristina: My mom kicked me out of the house when I was four. She told me not to eat anything but I was starving. So she sent me to the orphanage.
Where the f*ck is a bartender? The liquor is literally flowing on this show but when I really need it, not a drop in sight.
Kristina: I spent 8 years in the orphanage. The other kids became like my family. My mother never came to visit me.
Nick: That sucks.
If I can’t get a drink, can I get a razor blade up in this b*tch? I feel a sudden urge to slit my wrists.
Kristina: When my family came to adopt me, I didn’t want to go but the head of the orphanage told me that if I stayed in Russia, my life would be in black and white. But if I went to America, my life would be in color.
Nick: Oh, yeah. I saw that movie.
Nick: What? Did I say that out loud? Never mind. Tell me more about your
hot sister family.
Kristina: In Russia, you have to leave the orphanage when you turn 16. But many girls have nowhere to go so they turn to prostitution. I didn’t want that for myself so I chose to go to America with a new family. I was really sad when I left the other kids in the orphanage.
Nick: You’re so strong. I don’t know how you’re able to be so positive
without a serious opiate addiction. I’m shooting up under the table right now just to get through this conversation.
Kristina: I want to ask my mother why she left me at the orphanage but she’s dead so I can’t.
Kill me now. The more I get to know you, the more I’m convinced I’m never bringing you home to meet my family amazed by you. F*ck. I have to give you the rose now don’t I? Here. Have a rose.
At the end of their date, Kristina and Nick dance to soft island music under a gazebo Edward and Bella style.
Yes, I read all of the Twilight books and own the first movie. I enjoyed them. I am not ashamed. If it’s socially acceptable for men to watch ridiculous unrealistic internet porn for recreation, I see no reason women can’t indulge in chocolate and ridiculous unrealistic romance novels for recreation. Yet somehow WE end up the butt of jokes. At least, WE’RE improving our vocabulary and loading up on antioxidants.
Kristina wins the prize for worst sob story in Bachelor history. Danielle M.’s story about finding her fiance dead of a drug overdose was pretty good but it doesn’t beat your mom sending you to an orphanage at the age of four for eating when you were starving.
Sorry, Danielle. So close and yet so far. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Next Up: Corinne Cheats on Raquel, The Group Date, The Two-On-One