Bachelor In Paradise - Week 4:2
Bachelor In Paradise - Week 4:2
Bachelor In Paradise - Week 4:2 ©2015 ABC, mods by Café Emily

Bachelor In Paradise Recap: Week 4 – Episode 2

After Paradise

Joe is going to be on to try to save face. I don’t care. I just want to see Ben H.

Dan is on. Not sure what he’s doing there yet.

Supposedly, Michelle from The View wouldn’t come on the show unless Dan was going to be there. Not buying that’s the real reason he’s there but no other explanation is offered.

Joe, Joe, Joe. That’s all they can talk about. So tired of hearing about him.

Now Kaitlyn calls in to talk about Joe. Sheesh. Is this the Joe show?

Kaitlyn explains what happened when Ashley I. called her about Jared. She didn’t talk to Jared or intervene in any way because she just assumed Ashley I. was being Ashley I. So it was pointless. Nice. What a let down. I was looking forward to seeing Kaitlyn give Jared some kind of closure.

According to Dan, 80% of Ashley S. is grounded on Earth and 20% of her is out somewhere on Mars. I buy that. That solves the mystery of Ashley S. for me.

But despite Dan calling it off with Ashley, 51% of America thinks she’s the best match for him over a parrot, Amber, and Michelle from The View.

Apparently, Mikey, Dan, and Kirk led a boot camp every day on Bachelor In Paradise. Ashley I. and Carly never participated. Did we really need to know that, BIP? And thanks for fat-shaming Carly and Ashley by showing them eating a bag of chips instead of working out.

Joe’s on. Let’s see if he can redeem himself in the court of Bachelor Nation.

Joe claims he was heartbroken by Kaitlyn and he reached out to Samantha as a rebound.

Joe and Sam knew she was coming on after him because she was flying in the day after he was. That’s why she told him to do whatever it took to stay until she got there. Interesting.

Joe says he feels completely ashamed of what he did on the show. I want to believe it but I don’t.

Chris H: “What made you be that guy?”

Joe: “We all make mistakes for someone that we like.”

Michelle from The View asks why he f*cked over Jonathan and Mikey. Joe has no explanation. Uh-huh. I’m still convinced Joe is something of a psychopath. The ability to be charming when necessary to get what you want and then turn evil on a dime is a classic sign. So is lack of emotion or the ability to fake emotions (like crying on demand – I’m talking to you, Samantha).

America seems to be on Joe’s side over Samantha’s. I am too but still, they’re both psychopaths. Neither is particularly sympathetic in my eyes.

Juelia comes on to confront Joe. Oy. Can we get to the Bachelor announcement already?

Juelia gives Joe the opportunity to apologize which he does. Awww… all is right with Bachelor world again (not).

Juelia demands answers about things Joe said when he didn’t know he was on camera. Again, he has no answers. He’s just really sorry. Okay, I’m bored. Can we please bring on Ben H. now?

I guess Joe spends a lot of time responding to his haters on Twitter because he doesn’t have a real job.

Yes! The moment we’ve all been waiting for! The new Bachelor is about to be announced!

They psych us out by bringing Nick Viall on the show. I would have thrown over vindication to see Nick V. as the next Bachelor but alas, it was just a cheap trick. THAT would have been good television.

And I am vindicated! Ben H. is the next Bachelor. Chris is 90% sure they just broke Twitter. If they did, it was because of the Nick psych out. Ben H. being the next Bachelor is completely unsurprising.

Chris asks Ben what he’s doing to prepare for the show. Ben says you can’t prepare for something like this. Blah, blah, blah… Suddenly Amy Schumer’s on the phone and I’m awake again.

Amy warns Ben to run, tells him she’s really excited for him, and then asks him to have phone sex with her.

Classic. So excited that Ben H. is going to be the new Bachelor. Did I mention that I called this in week 2 or 3 of The Bachelorette? I like watching the show a lot more when I’m a fan of the lead.

Before I sign off for this week, I want to say something about what Joe and Samantha did. On the surface, it seems like they are both psychopaths who care about no one but themselves. And that may very well be who they are.

But what if they both saw what happens behind the scenes of these shows, realized it’s mostly bullsh*t, and decided to try to pull one over on the producers? What if Joe didn’t care about what happened to Juelia because they were both playing their ascribed roles on the show and it didn’t occur to him that Juelia might really like him based on the total of 15 minutes they likely spent together on their date?

Another possibility is that Sam and Joe were promised big media attention and fame if they agreed to be the villains of the show.

My point is, these people may not be what we think they are because of what we see on TV. Watch UnREAL and tell me it’s not possible that Joe and Sam knew they were going to be the villains going into the show and were more than eager to play their parts (though I doubt they thought about the consequences – i.e. Twitter hatred).

I post a disclaimer every week at the beginning of my recaps explaining my stance on reality vs. reality TV. No matter how much I mock or lecture the contestants on The Bachelor shows, I don’t REALLY know them so I don’t genuinely dislike them or judge them based on the edits they get on the show.

As cruel as what Joe and Sam did was, it could have been a story line contrived by producers. I mean if you think about it, if Joe and Sam hadn’t done what they did, there’d be nothing to talk about this season. It’d be freaking boring and the show certainly seems to be milking it for all it’s worth.

Just something to think about.

My readers are really important to me and the best way to find me again is to subscribe to my blog.

Never subscribed to a blog before? Here’s how it works:

  • Enter your email in the subscribe field below
  • You’ll get a confirmation email. Click the confirmation link.
  • You’ll get an email whenever I’ve posted a new blog.

That’s all there is to it! No spam from me EVER. Cross my heart, hope to die.

[jetpack_subscription_form show_subscribers_total=0 title=”Like what you’re reading? Want more?” subscribe_text=”Subscribe to my blog and earn my undying loyalty and devotion!” subscribe_button=”Subscribe”]

If you don’t want to subscribe, you can also bookmark my page or Google “cafe emily bachelor”. My blog should come up at the top of the list. I’ve been seeing some search terms people use to find my site and discovered people are having trouble finding me. My favorite search term is “cafeteria emily”. That gave me the giggles. I love my readers!

I also really value your input so please, leave me a comment. Good or bad, I respond to all comments.

I’ve noticed that I’m getting visitors from all over the world so if you’re not a native English speaker, please, don’t let that stop you from posting! Your English doesn’t have to be perfect. I still want to hear from you! Talk to me Bachelor Nation.

Check out these other links I think you’ll enjoy: – She does a nice, short and to the point spoiler-free recap. – Thorough, spoiler-free recaps. Super nice lady too! – A compilation of the funniest tweets about Bachelor in Paradise.
Reality Steve – SPOILER ALERT! Reality Steve is pretty caustic and I don’t necessarily agree with how he treats people on The Bachelor/ette franchise in his writings, but he’s entertaining nonetheless and he’s got his finger on the pulse of all things Bachelor.
Chris Harrison’s Blog – I don’t think he actually writes it but his ghost writer is damn clever, especially about BIP.

See you next week!


Leave a Comment


Please enter the CAPTCHA text