Bachelor In Paradise Recap: Week 6 – Episode 1

The Rose Ceremony

Carly gushes about how Kirk is “her person” and she can picture herself having kids with him. She’s so glad she’s not on the chopping block. I smell a setup for disaster.

Chris Harrison announces that there will be no cocktail party so all the singletons who were hoping to make last minute connections are probably going home. This is the last real rose ceremony so only the people who are looking to potentially take their relationships into the real world are going to make the cut. To quote Carly, “This is going to be a bloodbath.”

There are 7 guys and 11 girls. The guys are handing out the roses but it doesn’t really matter at this point. The couples who stand a chance have already formed so everyone else might as well go home. They aren’t going to find true love in a day.

Ashley I. recuses herself claiming to have had a “whimsical attachment” (a phrase coined by Tenley) to Jared. According to Ashley, Tenley’s definition of a “whimsical attachment” is when you meet and fall for someone who has all the qualities you’re looking for but they don’t reciprocate your feelings and only come into your life to help you better understand what you’re looking for in a partner. I really like that concept. I’ve had a few of those in my time.

The ceremony begins.

• Kirk -> Carly
• Tanner -> Jade
• Nick -> Samantha
• Joshua -> Tenley
• Justin -> Cassandra

At the last second, Dan claims to like Cassandra but Justin got to her first. Wow, this guy really doesn’t make a play for anybody he likes, does he?

• Dan recuses himself – his rose is off the table
• Mikey tries to give his rose to Mackenzie. WTF? Random. Mackenzie shoots him down and leaves.
• Mikey leaves – his rose is off the table

Amber, Mackenzie, Chelsie, Ashley S., Mikey, Dan, Ashley I., and Jaclyn are out.

I feel bad for Jaclyn. She never really got a chance. At least the others had dates before they had to leave Paradise. I don’t think there was really anyone for her there anyway but it would have been nice if she’d gotten a date.

I forgot that Carly is a cruise ship singer. She sings a song after the rose ceremony: “A rose is just a rose til he gets down to propose…” Yeahhhhhhhh. Remember your own words of wisdom come tomorrow morning.

The next morning we learn that Kirk has been going through the motions in his relationship with Carly for a week. All the marriage and baby talk has him running for the hills.

Carly: “I’m so glad the drama is over.” Famous last words.

Chris Harrison announces that all of the couples will get a full date followed by a fantasy suite date.

Carly and Kirk’s Breakup

I’m not going to give the play-by-play on what happened. It’s just too much to go over.

Kirk broke up with Carly and he was a really selfish prick about it. I like Carly a lot despite her nosiness and the mean things she said about Britt on Chris Soules’ season but someone I like getting her heartbroken has nothing to do with my opinion of Kirk’s behavior.

He kept trying to talk to Carly and explain his feelings (or lack thereof) and wouldn’t respect her desire to be left alone. If he had been trying to comfort and console her, I might have felt differently about it but what he really wanted by continuing to try to explain his reasoning in breaking up with her is for her to still think well of HIM.

Relationship rule 137 from the relationship handbook in my head: If you break up with someone, you have no right to expect them to like you or to appease your own conscience by explaining away your decision to them ad nauseum. Own your decision and accept the consequences of your actions. Respect the needs and feelings of the person you broke up with. If they want an explanation, give it to them. If they don’t, shut up and walk the f*ck away.

What’s even more insane is Kirk said he felt like HE’D been punched. Oh, did you just get your heart broken?

And then he claimed Carly “deserved a conversation”. No. What she deserved was for you to respect her wishes. You WANTED a conversation so you could feel better about hurting her.

Kirk then complained on his car ride to the airport that everyone was looking at him like he was a horrible person when he was just trying to be honest. How unfair of them. Can you hear me playing the world’s smallest violin?

Kirk, what mattered more to you? That someone you cared about got hurt or that people saw you as an unsavory character? Because you can’t control what people think of you. If you were honest, then you were honest. You know that. If other people think you weren’t honest enough soon enough, that’s not your business.

I personally don’t care if you waited ’til the “11th hour” to break up with Carly as long as you stopped leading her on. That was the right decision and it doesn’t matter when it came as long as you did right by her in the end, even if she couldn’t see it. But there are consequences to your actions even sometimes when you’re doing the right thing. The right thing is all too often the hard thing and it can be followed by a sh*t storm. Feel confident in knowing you made the right decision for yourself, don’t expect other people to think well of you because of it or agree with your choice, and deal with the sh*t that comes with it. That’s what grownups do.

Okay, I’m done ranting. I hope Carly finds someone worthy of her affections and I hope Kirk grows up.

The last comment I’ll make about this episode is that ABC misled us in a big way about who would be breaking up. They made it seem like Tanner and Jade would be breaking up using footage of Jade’s reaction to Kirk breaking up with Carly. I saw this coming but this is why I never trust a preview for any Bachelor show.

I largely suspect that Tanner and Jade will be the couple that gets engaged.

Alright, guys. I’ll be back tomorrow with my recap of the final episode of the season. Looking forward to the end!

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Check out these other blogs I think you’ll enjoy:

OfficeStace.com – She does a nice, short and to the point spoiler-free recap.
IHateGreenBeans.com – Thorough, spoiler-free recaps. Super nice lady too!
BachelorBurnbook.com – A compilation of the funniest tweets about Bachelor in Paradise.
Reality Steve – SPOILER ALERT! Reality Steve is pretty caustic but love him or hate him, he’s entertaining and he’s the only truly accurate source for spoilers and “dirt” on contestants.
Sharleen Joynt’s Blog – Sharleen Joynt is the absolute bomb. She’s by far my favorite former Bachelor/ette contestant of all time. So glad I was finally able to find her blog to share with you guys. She is unsurprisingly the most insightful blogger about the Bachelor/ette/IP franchise.
Chris Harrison’s Blog – I don’t think he actually writes it but his ghost writer is damn clever, especially about BIP.

See you tomorrow!

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