Episode 5
… And Lee and Kenny’s chat is predictably much ado about nothing. Lee is a snake. Kenny is “aggressive” and “potentially violent”. Yada yada yada…
While Lee and Kenny are bitching, Bryan takes Rachel out to a docked boat to sweet talk her some more with his 1000% realness.
It’s really sad that the only acceptable fiancé options for Rachel turned out to be Bryan and Peter. She deserves better.
Bryan gets the rose. Kenny and Lee snipe at each other some more.
Jack’s One-On-One (AKA Shucking but definitely NO shagging)
Jack and Rachel visit an oyster bar called “Shucking and Shagging”. Is it just me or is that racially insensitive? I’m sure there are other oyster bars in South Carolina that offer “shagging” which is apparently a form of dance.
Rachel feels there’s something missing with Jack. Like a soul?
It is clear throughout the date that Jack is scary delusional about how Rachel feels about him. After they’re done shucking and shagging, he tries to kiss her.
Rachel suddenly comes down with a cold and tells Jack she doesn’t want him to get sick so she tries to avoid kissing him to *cough* prevent him from *cough* getting sick *cough*.
Funny, she didn’t seem sick when she was making out with Bryan during the group date the night before.
Jack doesn’t take the hint and has not the slightest idea that Rachel is about to cut him even though everyone else can see it coming a mile away.
At dinner, Rachel asks Jack what he would do if they were back in Dallas. His immediate answer is “lock the door.” Uh… Anyone besides me seen the movie “Room”?
He mumbles something about wanting to lay in bed with her and talk for hours and all I’m thinking is, “Run, Rachel, RUN!”
Rachel’s not keen on Jack’s answer and gets a restraining order sends him home.
Back at the hotel, Will probably correctly assumes that Lee never paid attention during black history month in school and takes the opportunity to educate him about how the word “aggressive” is offensive to black men in this country.
But Lee just can’t understand for the life of him why the race card got played after all of his intentional race-baiting.
The next night, Rachel decides to skip the in-person Twitter wars between her guys and proclaims she doesn’t want a cocktail party. Thank, Jesus.
Rose Ceremony
Dean and Bryan have roses.
- Eric
- Peter
- Adam
- Will
- Matt
- Alex
- Josiah
- Anthony
- Kenny
- Lee
Iggy and Jonathan go home.
Iggy’s biggest regret is using his time to talk about other guys. He’s obviously never seen the show. The guys who rat out other guys go home. But he really never had a shot so he actually made the best use of his time that he could have.
Oslo, Norway
The guys are super excited to stamp their passports and talk about how great Oslo is. I don’t care.
Bryan’s One-On-One
(AKA It’s about damned time OR Great, another rappelling date.)
Rachel knows she and Bryan have a physical connection but wants to know if they have an emotional connection as well. At this point, they better. Her options are severely limited.
They go to the top of an Olympic ski jump and rappel down. This is what I always do when I want to find out if I have an emotional connection with someone. Nothing makes me feel more warm and fuzzy than crying in mortal terror for an hour.
They make it to the ground safely and mumble platitudes about how they wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else and how it brought them closer and blah blah blah.
At dinner, Rachel asks Bryan what’s wrong with him that he could possibly still be single.
His answer is that he was an ugly duckling in high school so he never felt loveable so in his most recent relationship, whenever something “serious” (what does that mean?) would come up, he would deflect. Finally, he decided it was time to grow up.
Um… what? If he decided to grow up, shouldn’t he have stopped deflecting and made things right with his last girlfriend? Had they broken up by the time he decided it was time to grow up? Has he actually grown up or just decided to pencil it in considering he’s pushing 40?
Whatever other questions Rachel might have had for Bryan are immediately dispelled when Bryan drops the “L” bomb. He’s falling in love with Rachel.
Annnnddd he gets the rose.
Next Up: Episode 5 part 2, Episode 6
[jetpack-related-posts]
BEST RECAP EVER!!!! I laughed so hard reading this that I had to read it a second time and I am still laughing. Emily, your sense of humor is priceless!! This was so worth the wait. I’m grateful you took the time to write it. Thanks for providing me with my laughter therapy!
Hi, Marla.
Thanks so much for your feedback and support. I’m glad I could provide you with laughter therapy!
🙂
I agree with Maria! This recap was one of your very BEST!!! Thanks for continuing to write. I don’t mind waiting to be entertained! Actually recapping a couple episodes at once makes a lot of sense, especially this season when there have been more than a couple episodes with not much happening! You had some great lines in there Emily. Your take on Lee had me laughing. His hair was way too much. I’m not certain that Bryan is as sincere & invested as Rachel but I’m hoping I’m wrong. She really didn’t have the most interesting group of guys but I’m still curious to see how it all plays out.
Hey, Julie.
Sorry for the delayed response. I hope you subscribe to the comments or you’ll never see this.
I guess we know now how the season turned out. I still don’t trust Bryan but I’m hoping I’m wrong since I want Rachel to be happy.
I’m glad you enjoyed the recap. Thank you so much for your continued feedback and support! I really appreciate it.
🙂
I am pretty sure you covered it all and for the first time in weeks I enjoyed this very boring season, love Rachel, but I agree that she has lousy taste in men. Just like Marla and Julie I love your humor. You brought on the laughter. So worth the wait. Thank you!
Hey, Vicki.
I’m glad the recap was worth the wait. Sorry for the delayed response. I’ve been running out of time every day for the last couple of months.
I’m glad I could make the season a little better for you. For me, the most fascinating part was the last episode. If only the whole season had been that compelling.
Thank you for your feedback and support!
🙂
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