The two-on-one was in the cards for Taylor, Nick, and Corinne.
The two-on-one was in the cards for Taylor, Nick, and Corinne.

Bachelor 2017 Recap: Episode 5

The Two-On-One

Corinne: Taylor and I have very different minds. She’s calculating and analytical. I’m… calculating and evil more colorful. No votes for Taylor. Make America cringe Corinne again. P.S. DT I know you’re probably tired of your 40-something immigrant bride by now. I’d make a great first lady. Plus, my p*ssy’s platinum and I know how much you like surrounding yourself with precious metals. DM me on Twitter if interested. Kisses.

Taylor: I’m gonna take the high road. I’m gonna keep riding my high horse. It’s really working for me so far.

Nick, Taylor, and Corinne take a boat through a river on the bayou to visit a voodoo priestess and her coven of heathens. (I’m kidding. I don’t give a f*ck what religion you practice as long as you harm none.)

Priestess: In an effort to bring the truth to light, the Bachelor producers have hired Miss Cleo to give you a completely accurate reading because we’ve told her everything about you and the feud you’re having I’d like to introduce you to a reader.


The tarot card reader sends Nick and Corinne away shortly after they shuffle the cards so she can read Taylor by herself.

As soon as Nick and Corinne leave:

Taylor: I’m a water sign!

Way to not give too much away so you might see some evidence that the psychic actually has some ability.

I know a lot about Tarot and Astrology for someone who doesn’t spend a lot of time dealing with either. But I seem to be the person my friends turn to first whenever they have questions about Astrology. Taylor is either a Pisces, a Cancer, or a Scorpio. Those are the water signs. Water signs are associated with the suit of cups, the suit/signs of emotions, in the Tarot.

Air signs: Aquarius, Gemini, Libra – associated with the suit of swords in the Tarot. Suit/signs of the intellect.

Earth signs: Capricorn, Taurus, Libra – associated with the suit of pentacles in the Tarot. Suit/signs of nature and pragmatism.

Fire signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius – associated with the suit of wands in the Tarot. Fire is a little harder to pin down with adjectives. The best way to describe fire is that it initiates, inspires, or sets things in motion. It’s also spontaneous and impulsive.

I can tell by your birthday which sign you are. Tarot readers usually ask for your birthday so they know what sign you are and can find you in the cards. I’ve had good readings and bad readings but none have ever predicted the future. If you go to a psychic and get a reading, don’t do it because you want to know the future.

Psychics are basically psychologists who work the graveyard shift. They can make you feel better by giving you a shoulder to cry on when you’re drunk and lonely but the future is always uncertain.

Some psychics are genuinely well-intentioned and others are complete scoundrels and scam artists.

Always be wary of psychics. NEVER buy any service from them that they offer you above the service you requested and never bring them objects from your house they say are cursed. They also know that people visit them when they’re emotionally vulnerable and unethical psychics will use that knowledge to manipulate their clients.

I’ve been to two psychics I thought had a genuine gift. Two out of MANY.

I happen to read Tarot cards even if I don’t think I’m especially psychic. I read for myself sometimes because it’s cheaper than going to a professional reader. So I thought for sh*ts and giggles, in honor of this week’s episode, I’d try out my reading skills on any of you who are interested. No charge. It’s just a fun experiment for entertainment purposes only.

If you’re interested, contact me, tell me your first name and month and day of your birthday (not year), think of a question you want answered but don’t tell me what it is, and I’ll write back with a reading. Keep your expectations low though. I’ve never done this before.

Okay, back to the show…

Taylor gets the Queen of Cups, 8 of Cups, Judgement, 10 of Pentacles, The High Priestess, The Page of Wands, and The Knight of Wands but I only get to see how the latter 4 are arranged.


Knowing what I know about the Tarot and the situation, the Knight of Wands and Page of Wands are Corinne. The Knight of Wands and Page of Wands have the High Priestess (who I interpret to be Taylor’s higher self) surrounded on two sides.

The Page is literally and figuratively going head-to-head with the Priestess, blocking her access to the spiritual from above. The Page of Wands is the most spiritually immature of all the royalty in the deck and the Knight of Wands (the second most spiritually immature royal figure in the deck) is flanking her on the right (her creative side), not allowing Taylor an easy path to escape Corinne’s fire.

But the Priestess is looking away from them toward the 10 of Pentacles on her left (her analytical side) which in this deck, is a globe surrounded by pentacles. To me, they look like shields (rather than coins) protecting the world.

Based on the situation that I already know, I would say Taylor is going to get control over the situation by grounding herself using her familiar, analytical, methodical real-world protections. These are specifically Taylor’s protections, gifts she’s earned through hard work, sort of the way you earn and level up weaponry in video games.

Reader: You’re surrounded by someone who is very cutting in their words. DO. NOT. ENGAGE. Judgement indicates this situation is coming to completion. Use your intuition.

I think my interpretation was more imaginative but we both went into the reading knowing who Taylor is and about the situation between her and Corinne AND that Taylor is going home after she takes one last shot at Corinne. We don’t really think the Bachelor producers didn’t tell the reader what was happening, do we? They needed a reading that seemed to have a bearing on the situation that was about to unfold because they’d already decided HOW it was going to unfold.

While Taylor is getting her reading, Corinne is lying to Nick about Taylor calling her names and bullying her.

When it comes time to hear Corinne’s reading, all we get is the Queen of Swords.

Reader: She’s very cutting, succinct, sharp. But her words can get her into trouble.

I’m not sure if she’s trying to imply Corinne is the Queen of Swords. It sounds like she is. But I view Taylor as the Queen of Swords. The Queen of Swords is a grownup with incisive intellectual acuity. It sounds to me like Taylor’s going to take back her power and lay down the law.

Corinne: How do you make a voodoo doll specific to a person?

Oh, damn! It looks like Raven’s the REAL psychic on this show.

Nick tells Taylor about what Corinne said. Taylor is not amused.

Taylor: If Nick chooses Corinne, it will be because of pure manipulation. That’s not even how you want to build a relationship with someone! That relationship will be based on whipped cream and lies!


Sorry, Taylor. Nick chooses whipped cream and lies. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Corinne gets the rose.

Nick and Corinne travel back down the river while Taylor stays behind and gets a spiritual cleansing from the voodoo priestess and her coven of heathens.

If it seems unfair that Nick chose Corinne, try to remember he was never going to choose either one of them to marry but he was getting a lot of action from Corinne and nothing but talk from Taylor which, frankly, wasn’t that intellectually stimulating. Not once did I see Nick and Taylor connect in any way resembling romantic. So why not keep the girl who likes to experiment with whipped cream and make out in bouncy castles?

Nick and Corinne go to dinner but Taylor ain’t letting Corinne off the hook that easy. Taylor barges in, dewy from her spiritual cleansing, and demands to speak to Nick.


I hope this was interesting guys. I know it wasn’t my typical post but I spoke about the things that interested me and it just happened that this was more of a thought-provoking episode for me than a laugh-out-loud episode.

Thanks for reading! Happy Bacheloring!


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Check out these other blogs I think you’ll enjoy:

Therese Odell’s blog – Spoiler free and if you like snark, you will love Therese. (She has a new site. This is the updated link: foolishwatcher.com)
OfficeStace.com – She does a nice, short and to the point spoiler-free recap.
IHateGreenBeans.com – Thorough, spoiler-free recaps by Lincee. Super nice lady too!
Some Guy in Austin – Spoiler-free guy’s perspective on the shows.
BachelorBurnbook.com – A compilation of the funniest tweets about all things Bachelor.
Reality Steve – SPOILER ALERT! Reality Steve is pretty caustic but love him or hate him, he’s entertaining and he’s the only truly accurate source for spoilers and “dirt” on contestants.
Sharleen Joynt’s Blog – Sharleen Joynt is the absolute bomb. She’s by far my favorite former Bachelor/ette contestant of all time. So glad I was finally able to find her blog to share with you guys. She is unsurprisingly the most insightful blogger about the Bachelor/ette/IP franchise.


12 thoughts on “Bachelor 2017 Recap: Episode 5

  1. My name is Karen and my birthday is June 12. I would like you to do a reading for me, please. Thanks for the recaps – i really enjoy them!

    • Okay, Karen.

      I will do a reading for you and send it to the email address you used to post your comment.

      I’ll try to get to it this week but about 5 people have asked me for readings so far and each one takes me several hours. Please, have a question in mind.

      Thanks for the comment! 🙂

  2. My goodness, I thought this episode was a yawn-fest. Your recap was a million times more interesting!
    By the way, one of my favorite movies is May, and I didn’t even make the connection between the movie and the haunted house until I read this! I blame the fact that I was barely paying attention. That whole date was so contrived. YAWN.
    p.s. Your dolls were amazing. You’re very talented!

    • Hey, Melissa.

      It would have been a yawn-fest for me if I didn’t have some experience with the supernatural and hadn’t studied the Tarot. I figure that most people haven’t had any experience with disembodied entities (I prefer that term because I don’t know what they are and while it’s comforting to think they are the souls of the deceased, there’s really no way to be sure) and we aren’t little kids. We know a put-on when we see one. It was hard not to think the whole thing was a joke. But I have an interest in such matters so I was willing to put in some effort to find out what was really happening there.

      But I could tell some stuff because the supernatural doesn’t give a damn when a camera is pointing at it or not and they managed to capture everything on film! Wow! The Bachelor of all shows proved the existence of ghosts! (Not)

      You like May? That’s so funny. I don’t know many people who’ve heard of it or seen it.

      I’m glad you like my dolls. I sold all but one which is the last one I made. I spent a lot of time and money on her and she’s my favorite so I never tried to sell her.

      The market was gone once people started mass producing them. You can still find some beautiful creepy dolls on Etsy but those dolls take a lot of time and I just don’t have it. I’d rather write even though I don’t get paid.

      I’m glad I could spice up the episode for you. The research was pretty fascinating for me so I’m glad you appreciated it.

      Thanks for your continued feedback and support! 🙂

  3. Kudos Emily! What a fascinating recap! Wow – you really did a lot of research. As someone who took a few art history classes in college I found the information on the painting so interesting. While watching the group date I was amazed at how silly and contrived it was and just downright boring. Your recap was way better than the episode itself. Thanks for all your efforts. Well done!

    • Hi, Julie.

      I’m glad you enjoyed the recap. It WAS a lot of research but I was bound and determined to get to the bottom of that painting. I feel I went about as far as I could without consulting an actual art historian. I took a couple of art history classes too. The painting looks really familiar even though I couldn’t possibly have seen it if it was what Kevin Kelly said it was.

      I’m glad I could make the episode a little more enjoyable. Sometimes stuff on the show strikes me as funny and sometimes it sets my mind on fire. Sometimes it’s just boring and I find it difficult to write about.

      Thanks so much for your feedback and support! 🙂

  4. The reader or reading was absolutely fake, generic and almost the same for both girls to pit them against each other

    • Hi, DG.

      I don’t think the reader was fake. It’s really hard to fake a tarot reading and still know what the cards mean. Her interpretation of the cards she pulled was accurate.

      It’s hard to say about the reading. You’d basically have to hire a reader and tell her what you wanted the reading to say and she’d have to dig the cards out of the deck that would best represent what you wanted to say. But I read 4 cards from Taylor’s reading myself. What she said was simplified but the cards accurately reflected the situation. Not just the cards but the arrangement. I think it’s safe to say that most people don’t know jack about reading tarot cards so it wasn’t really necessary for the producers to lay out cards that accurately reflected Taylor’s situation and film them.

      They were already pitted against each other so I don’t think the readings pit them even more against each other. You could say the reading was fake because it accurately reflected that they were already pitted against each other though.

      It’s a little strange that we only got one card from Corinne’s reading and 7ish from Taylor’s. But could Taylor absolutely represent the Queen of Swords? Yes. Much more so than Corinne could.

      I’m not saying the reading wasn’t staged and I’m not suggesting that you believe in tarot cards but tarot cards do have real meanings attached to them and the reader was dead on about how each girl was represented in the other’s reading. Corinne was represented by the page of wands and the knight of wands. That’s absolutely who she is. Taylor was represented as the queen of swords which is a very different card than the ones that represented Corinne, and she acted in the way the card predicted she would.

      I viewed the things the reader said as a bit vague but the cards themselves were pretty specific.

      How she got to those cards is very difficult to tell. On the one hand, she could have staged the reading. On the other, she’d have to be doing card magic tricks to ensure the right cards came up.

      So, I don’t know.

      Your guess is as good as mine about how the cards came up.

      Thanks for the feedback and support! It’s always appreciated 🙂

  5. First things first, your dolls are freaking amazing. I was, and still am, thoroughly impressed. I couldn’t have one in my house, because I do believe there would be some pants pissing moments for me, but I love thm regardless! This was one of my fave posts of yours to date. I enjoyed the recap part, obviously, but I really enjoyed you just being you. Again, as always, thank you and you are the best!!!!!

    • Thank you, Jaime 🙂

      I take all of what you said as a great compliment.

      Thank you for your continued feedback and support of my work 🙂

    • Hi, Chuck.

      I haven’t been to Houmas House and haven’t seen the ghosts myself so I don’t know if it’s haunted or not. (You couldn’t pay me enough to visit a supposedly haunted house. It’s not worth what I’ve already had to deal with in my life with respect to disembodied entities.)

      I didn’t mean to imply that the property definitely wasn’t haunted at all. Just that everything we saw on camera was fake.

      From what I’ve read, the ghosts of the little girl(s) have not been seen often. A couple of times during renovations in 2003.

      The story was overblown and exaggerated by the producers and they lied about the painting being of the little girl who was haunting the house. That’s what I objected to.

      Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate it! 🙂

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