Bachelor In Paradise 2016 – Week 2

Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 2

I think Josh and Amanda spend the majority of this episode making out so I’m not going to talk much about them. Just know it goes without saying that their kiss-moaning is playing in the background throughout this recap.

The editors try and make it seem like Nick is really upset that Josh stole Amanda from him but I don’t think he gives much of a damn. I think he was not happy that they chose to completely disregard his feelings when they started their relationship but I don’t think in the grand scheme of things that Nick has any trouble finding girls to go out with him.

Just one more reason I believe Nick is primarily on the show to gain Twitter followers, not to find love.

Christian from Jojo’s season shows up to Paradise with a date card. Much to Daniel’s chagrin, Christian asks Sarah to go on his date and she accepts.

The next day, Carly decides she’s going to have to smash Evan’s heart. She gives it to him straight up. “I’m not romantically interested in dating you.”

Evan is crushed and isn’t sure he’ll ever find love. He’s only 31 years old and he’s not unattractive. I don’t understand why these people think it’s the end of the world when they don’t make a connection on reality television.

Sarah and Christian’s Date

Sarah and Christian go zip-lining. Then they rappel down a cliff. I don’t know how you do that with one arm. Sarah manages somehow. It was pretty awkward though.

Christian and Sarah get along. They’re relatively normal people minus an arm. They go for a walk in a tropical forest. They kiss. They go home. They bore the sh*t out of me. Moving on.

Back at the entrance to Jurassic Paradise, someone named Brandon shows up. He says he was on Desiree’s season but I don’t believe it. Chris Harrison doesn’t even remember him. I think they just let him in because he’s hot.

Carly is into Brandon and seems to think there’s no way he’d want to go out with one of the twins after finding out how boring they are. Obviously, Carly doesn’t seem to know how the male mind works. I shall clue her in: A good looking guy doesn’t walk into a room full of attractive women and choose the woman with the best personality (if one can say that Carly is winning the personality contest) to go on a date with.

Brandon asks Haley to join him on his date and Carly is dumbfounded.

We find out that Emily is a lightweight drinker and manages to get drunk from drinking half a glass of beer but I honestly don’t think it made her any less intelligent. Instead of saying dumb things coherently, she just says dumb things incoherently. Not a big difference.

Nick again delivers the line of the night, “Now that Josh is living on a steady diet of Amanda’s tongue, I’m not sure if I’m going to get a rose.”

Haley and Brandon’s Date

Brandon claims he can tell the difference between the twins and to test this, Haley decides to switch places with Emily halfway through the date. That’s really an unfair test for a first date but at the same time, he brought it on himself by saying he could tell the difference between them. Turns out, like the rest of us, Brandon can’t tell the difference between the Hemily’s and tries to kiss Hemily at the end of the date not knowing that it’s actually Hemily.

They’re disappointed in Brandon but I think they should give him another chance. He’s hot and not very smart which sounds like a perfect match for either of the twins.

Evan’s heartbreak over losing Carly gives way to insanity. He loses his damn mind and writes his own date card so he can ask Amanda out who is still making out with Josh. Evan interrupts them and asks to speak to Amanda.

If he were a little more threatening, Evan would be in danger of getting the sh*t beat out of him but I think he’s just going to be perceived by Josh as a huge joke.

To be continued…

At the end of the show we see an outtake of Evan and Jared butchering Robert Frost’s arguably most famous and profound poem (oddly, Frost wrote the poem as a joke for a friend about an actual walk in the woods they took and somehow failed to note its deeper significance as a metaphor for life).

No, morons, two roads did not “divulge” in the woods.

Sorry, I’m going to nerd out on you guys. This poem is beautiful and so it deserves to be shared in its entirety but it’s the last stanza in bold that Jared and Evan were talking about.

The Road Not Taken – by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

After Paradise

I’m just going to cover the basics of what happened on the after show because I’m short on time but there were some interesting tidbits of information that we didn’t get to see during the regular episodes.

I don’t know if Chris Harrison has the week off or what but this week’s episode is hosted by Michelle Collins and Sean Lowe. Michelle Collins’ one-liners made me and my boyfriend crack up throughout the episode but Sean was goody goody boring as usual.

The guest host is Diablo Cody. These are a lot of the same faces we saw last summer on After Paradise.

Jubilee is the first guest. Jubilee is a huge Nick fan. So there’s one more person from the franchise on team Nick.

We get to see deleted footage of Carly vomiting after her hot kiss with Evan. And to make matters worse, after Carly asks Evan to leave her alone, he rubs his hands all over her while she’s sick.

America votes for the dirtiest deed done in Paradise so far and Josh Stealing Amanda beat Carly Dumping Evan, Amanda Ghosting Nick, and Chad’s Angry Exit by a good margin. Amanda Ghosting Nick came in second. All tallied, crimes against Nick totaled 88% of America’s vote. Nick’s reputation is definitely on the rise, probably yet another reason he agreed to go on the show.

Chad is a guest on the show and sounds surprisingly stable. It turns out Chad and Lace were talking before the show started. We also see deleted scenes of Lace trying to help Chad get it together after he’d had too much to drink. So she wasn’t all crazy all the time. But he got drunker and drunker as the night went on and was unable to stabilize.

Lace is the next guest on the show. She and Chad are not happy to see each other. Lace felt Chad was a bad influence on her while he was on the show and she was “the old Lace” around him. She says she immediately sobered up after Chad left.

Next, they show a montage of the contestants trying to figure out what the word “glib” means (recall that Chris Harrison told Chad “this is no time to be glib” when he was being, well, glib while on the verge of being kicked off the show). They included Nick in that montage which is annoying because I know with 100% certainty that Nick Viall, whatever concerns I have about him returning to reality TV, knows what the hell glib means.

Leah is the next guest on the show and she finally gets to meet Chad. It turns out she was ALSO talking to Chad before the show. Where did Chad find the time to hit up Lace and Leah on social media, get drunk and terrorize Mexico, and date Grant and Robbie’s exes all before the Men Tell All?

Leah is another Nick fan despite him dumping her to date Amanda.

Another poll of America says that Chad calling Sarah a “one-armed b*tch” was his biggest mistake. No sh*t.

For once, Chad takes responsibility for himself and apologizes for calling Sarah names.

Sarah is the next guest on the show and Chad apologizes to her face-to-face. Sarah gets on his case for not doing it sooner but I think we can all agree that it’s better late than never.

Sean and Michelle go to a couple of Skype calls and one of the guests says she hopes that Nick will finally find love on Paradise because then they won’t have to see him out in Chicago’s bars anymore.

The final poll of America asks if they’re team Nick, team Evan, or team Josh. 82% Are team Nick. Nick’s redemption is in full swing.

Thanks for reading everyone. Covering four hours of television every week is going to be brutal but two weeks down four to go. Now I’m going to go watch this week’s episode.

I love you guys! 😀

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Check out these other blogs I think you’ll enjoy:

Therese Odell’s blog – Spoiler free and if you like snark, you will love Therese.
OfficeStace.com – She does a nice, short and to the point spoiler-free recap.
IHateGreenBeans.com – Thorough, spoiler-free recaps by Lincee. Super nice lady too!
Some Guy in Austin – Spoiler-free guy’s perspective on the shows.
BachelorBurnbook.com – A compilation of the funniest tweets about all things Bachelor.
Reality Steve – SPOILER ALERT! Reality Steve is pretty caustic but love him or hate him, he’s entertaining and he’s the only truly accurate source for spoilers and “dirt” on contestants.
Sharleen Joynt’s Blog – Sharleen Joynt is the absolute bomb. She’s by far my favorite former Bachelor/ette contestant of all time. So glad I was finally able to find her blog to share with you guys. She is unsurprisingly the most insightful blogger about the Bachelor/ette/IP franchise.

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