Take cover! Hurricane Ashley is back.
Take cover! Hurricane Ashley is back.

Bachelor in Paradise 2016: Week 3

Caila Arrives in Paradise

The next day starts with Nick inexplicably lifting a boulder on the beach.


Emily can’t wait to spend every day with Jared… but then Caila arrives.

The guys are smitten, especially Jared.

Nick claims to find Caila very attractive but at one point he remarks to one of his fellow male contestants what awesome hair she has and that he wants to wash it and when Caila interviews him to see if she wants to take him on her date, he compliments her dress with an eye for fashion detail that rivals that of a Project Runway judge. Are we completely sure that Nick is straight?


Caila chooses Jared to go on her date much to Emily’s dismay.

Jared talks to Emily and basically drops the bomb that he’s going to go out with Caila. Emily accepts the reality with a lot more poise than I would have expected… for now.

Nick consoles her by reminding her that he was dumped twice on national television. Three times if we’re counting Amanda (which we are).


Jared and Caila’s Date

Jared and Caila go horseback riding on a beach. They like each other. They drink out of coconuts. They kiss.


Back at the Playa De Idiotas, Daniel pours water into Vinny’s belly button while he’s sleeping and then drinks the water out with a straw. Seriously, WHAT THE F*CKING F*CK?

A double date card arrives for Lace and Izzy, the first double date in Bachelor in Paradise history. Obviously, they will be taking Grant and Vinny.

Emily feels the pressure as night falls and Jared and Caila aren’t back from their date yet. She doesn’t understand why Jared picked Caila over her. After all, Emily is objectively prettier. In fact, Emily doesn’t understand why all the great guys she meets don’t pick her because she’s prettier than all the girls they pick. She also can’t figure out why everyone else always gets what they want but she never does. Oh yeah, and she has a good heart. She just can’t figure out what’s wrong with her.

Let’s recap Emily’s beliefs to see if we can figure out what’s wrong with her:

  1. Emily thinks she’s prettier than Caila so obviously Jared should choose her.
  2. Emily thinks she’s prettier than MOST girls so she should always get whatever guy she wants because physical attractiveness is the most important quality that any woman could possess.
  3. Emily thinks everyone in the world always gets what they want but she NEVER does.
  4. Emily thinks she has a good heart on top of being prettier than almost every other girl so she must be inherently more desirable.

off_the_top_of_my_head I'd say you're arrogant, immature, whiny, entitled,kind of mean, not as attractive or nice as you think you are, and all of those qualities make you seem even less attractive.


After Jared and Caila return from their date, Jared pulls Emily aside and lets her know that he’s more interested in Caila than he is in her.


The Official Double Date

“Grace” and “Vizzy” (their self-given couple names) go out for a night on the town.

They go to a club and get wasted. While Izzy and Lace are laying down on a table trying to catch their breath after a wild night of dancing in a foam pit, a random girl pours a pitcher of water on them. (I wonder how much she got paid to do that. Just because her face was blurred doesn’t mean she wasn’t in on a producer ploy to generate unnecessary drama.)

Lace threatens to go after the girl but Grant stops her. Again, the drama foreshadowed in the previews from last week fails to materialize. Lace yells at the girl to not pour water on them again. Way to bring the pain, Lacey!

Carly and Sarah’s Double Date

Since Carly and Sarah are feeling like the odd women out, they decide to make their own double date. They find some wine and invite Evan and Daniel up to the tree house for a knock-off of the amazing date they think Izzy and Lace are on.

The festivities include:

  • Daniel doing push-ups with Sarah on his back.
  • Evan’s attempt to impress Carly by trying to do push-ups while she’s sitting on his back. However, Evan forgets that Daniel has about 3 times the muscle mass he does and that Sarah is about 20 pounds lighter than Carly.
  • Carly laughing at Evan.
  • Daniel trying to get Carly to reconsider Evan by telling her how handsome Evan looks.
  • Carly laughing at Evan some more and letting us know he has no “swag” (which I assume means he has no game)

The reason why Evan has no game is because he’s a feminine man and the reason why he’s perfect for Carly is because she’s a masculine woman. I’m not saying she looks like a dude but she’s definitely a more dominant personality than the other women on the show. I think Daniel is actually right that they would make a good couple. They balance each other out.


The party breaks up and Evan drunkenly stumbles to his room and crashes on one of the beds (but not before he makes an awkward attempt to kiss Carly again which she deftly blocks).

I have no idea why but one of the producers seemed to think it was cause for concern that a drunk man was passed out on a bed and decided to go check on him. Further, I don’t know why she was surprised when he wouldn’t wake up. I don’t get it but they call a medic to handle the situation. And, then, if that wasn’t weird enough, Carly is summoned to Evan’s room to check on him as if she were his wife or something.


Evan wakes up and has no idea what’s going on.

The medic says that somebody needs to stay with him and so Carly is conveniently elected. Carly agrees to stay the night with Evan and surprise, surprise, they give making out a second chance.

The episode comes to a close with Nick sitting on the beach alone lamenting his single-hood in Paradise. Which can only mean one thing: someone he really likes is about to come on the show and will probably break his heart AGAIN.

At the tail end, Hurricane Ashley blows into Paradise, an obvious threat to Jared and Caila’s burgeoning relationship.

Iguana Outtake

The outtake at the end of the episode features Emily and Haley annoying the f*ck out of Nick by baby-talking to an iguana who’s hanging out above them in some kind of drainage pipe. They ask the iguana several times if he’ll give them his rose. We see footage of the iguana nodding his head. He was not answering the twins request for a rose (as if you needed that explanation).

But what you might not know is how they got the iguana to nods its head like that. That’s dominance behavior in male lizards. It doesn’t matter if you’re a female lizard or a female human. A male lizard will nod its head at you to get you to submit to his dominance. There is an answering behavior in female lizards which consists of looking down and rotating the arm closest to him (like you’re swimming). Humans can do this too to get a male lizard to calm down.

There are two ways the crew could have captured that shot of the iguana nodding its head:

  • Emily and Haley were recognized by the iguana as females and he expressed dominant behavior in response to them looking at him and failing to express submission and, dumbfounded, a cameraman caught it on tape.
  • One of the crew members understood lizard behavior well enough to go back later and get it to nod its head by making it feel threatened. Male lizards will also exhibit this behavior with other males if they feel threatened.

One of my ex-boyfriends is a reptile enthusiast. He had a bearded dragon that used to nod its head at me every time I came over because it could smell that I was a female. It’s very uncomfortable being hit on by a lizard.

Next: Episode 2 recap and After Paradise


6 thoughts on “Bachelor in Paradise 2016: Week 3

  1. Nick might be there for fame, but his commentary is hilarious and I LOVE that he gave the “He’s just not that into you” speech to Ashley. I know a guy who is being led on by a girl right now and I’ve given him this speech at least three times: It’s not love. It’s an illusion. This person is never going to love you and will never reciprocate. They literally put in minimal effort until they want something like validation, companionship, etc. and then they use you. It’s completely heartbreaking to watch.

    Also, Evan is creeping me out. Rumor has it he and Carly end up together, but he’s being very… rapey, for lack of a better word, and manipulative. To be fair, I think 30% of my grossed out feeling toward him has to do with his bad haircut. As Carly says, if he was just normal, it wouldn’t be so bad. Also, I’ve tried to research him. Is Evan an actual doctor? Or is he like a lab tech or something? There’s no info on his ex. Are his kids adopted? He acts like he’s never dated anyone before. The social awkwardness I don’t think is just because the cameras are there. And I think that social awkwardness is one thing, but practically molesting a girl while she tells you to leave her alone is a whole other level of gross.

    • Hey, Megan.

      I agree with you about Nick. I want to not find him fascinating but I do. I’m writing to you the day before the season ends so I think it’s safe to say that my favorite part of the season was that speech he gave Ashley. It was perfection.

      I don’t find Evan THAT creepy. I definitely find him socially awkward, even cringe-worthy at times, and definitely pathetic but not super creepy. Evan was wasted when he tried to kiss Carly the second time so I give him a pass.

      I think his kids are his biological children. Reality Steve says he has almost no contact with them based on the activity on his social media accounts.

      No, Evan is not a real doctor. He probably does consultations with men who have sexual dysfunction FOR a doctor or clinic but I think he’s just an intake person. He was a pastor before he started working in ED. That’s all I know about him.

      Thanks for all your support and feedback! 🙂

  2. Great recap – your images and gifs are hilarious. Loved your note to Nick. I’ve always been on the Nick train. Never the Evan train though. Yuck. The twins are too dumb to be for real, right? Caila and Jarred make a cute couple, I’m rooting for them. And Nick and Jen, I liked her on Ben’s season.

    • Thank you so much! It takes a lot of time to put it all together. I’ve been working about 18 hours a week this summer on each of my blogs so I’m happy they’re entertaining people.

      Yeah… sometimes I really want to jump off the Nick train because I do believe he’s caught the fame bug BUT I also think he’ll mature past it once he realizes it’s meaningless. So I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. There’s enough good there for me to still find him compelling.

      Oops. Caila and Jared didn’t work out. I watched Reality Steve’s video chat from a couple weeks ago and he said that everyone was mad at Caila because she told Ashley and Amanda she would be willing to get engaged to Jared even if she wasn’t in love with him for the fame and money. According to Steve, everyone wanted her gone and that’s the real reason Caila left.

      I liked Jen too but… I guess that’s not going to work out either! 😀

      I think she’s a little too sedate for Nick’s tastes. She’s great but someone’s got to light the fire inside of him and she hasn’t seemed able to do it. They’re both kind of low-energy introverts. They understand each other but I think they both need someone a little more dynamic to balance them out.

      Thanks so much for your feedback, Jennifer! I really appreciate it. 🙂

  3. This show is the best kind of train wreck! I have laughed so hard. I liked Daniel on JoJo’s season because he is funny as crap. Now, I like him even more. He says some things that piss me off sometimes, but he definitely makes me laugh even more. The twins are just annoying. And I AM SO CRAZY about Nick. He is gorgeous, funny, sweet, down to earth, smart. I have always liked him, except for the making love comment, and now I love him more. I hope Nick and Jen make it…. They are the perfect couple! Finally, I think Jared could have been a lot more assertive, telling Ashley no. But in one of their conversations, he said to her that he was tired of having this conversation with her, over and over. I think he likes her as a friend, and tried to keep her as a friend, after giving it a shot. With Ashley, I don’t think that is possible. I think you have to make a clean break, because she is going to stick her fingers in her ears and hum like a baby when he tells her the truth. They are both wrong in certain ways, but Ashley needs to grow the heck up. And her saying there can’t be anything worse than fwatching someone you love fall in love with someone else made me as angry as she made you with her death comment~

    • I do like Daniel too. I don’t think he’s ever made me angry. He’s kind of a dick with his lewd comments but I also find it of entertaining that he thinks he’s actually complimenting women by saying those things.

      I like Nick a lot too. It’s hard not to. I didn’t mind the “making love” comment but I seem to be the only woman in America who thinks it was justified under the circumstances (Andi refused to give him closure privately so he was a pent up ball of emotions by the ATFR). Also, Andi went into way more detail about their encounter in her book than he did on TV so I consider it a non-issue at this point. I really never found it offensive though because I was raised in a household where sex was openly discussed.

      I agree with you that Jared made a mistake with Ashley. Sometimes you just need to cut people loose so they can heal and move on. I was angry too over her comment about watching someone you love fall in love with someone because she so obviously doesn’t love him. It’s just infatuation. I screamed at my TV a few times during the episode.

      Thanks so much Jaime! I really appreciate the feedback and comments! 😀

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