Bachelorette 2015 Recap: Nick Viall Returns

On the Boat

Kaitlyn is still struggling with the weight of her decision about Nick when she gets to the night portion of the date which takes place on a docked boat.

Shawn in an ITM: “I’m getting to the point where I want the numbers to go down.”

Bad news, bud.

Kaitlyn breaks the news that she’s considering bringing Nick back. The men are not happy.

I have to wonder if the contestants on this show are asked to pretend to be very upset at the idea of bringing a latecomer into the game since they obviously know that most of them are going home anyway and only a couple of them could be having truly genuine feelings for her, enough to feel threatened by yet another contender anyway.

It just doesn’t make sense to me to give a damn unless you are already infatuated and I doubt many of them are.  She’s trying to find a husband and if you don’t like a girl you like dating other guys, go home. You know what show you’re on.

Shawn has a reason to be upset. I think it’s pretty clear that his connection with Kaitlyn is the strongest at this point in the game and he has the most to lose if Nick swoops in and steals her heart.

But Tanner, a freaking nobody on the show, starts spouting off about what a horrible guy Nick is for calling Andi out during last year’s ATFR about sleeping with him in the fantasy suite. Obviously, Tanner didn’t see the show. I don’t know how Nick’s tearful request for an explanation could be construed as calling anyone out. Plus, Josh, the guy Andi chose, admitted right after Nick left the stage that he and Andi had been banging like bunnies for months (to be precise, he said he’d been trying to impregnate her) and no one said boo.

If you didn’t like Nick, you thought he was a boor for even mentioning it. If you did like Nick, you hated Andi for her c*nty response. But to blast Nick for admitting they’d slept together and then conveniently ignore Josh’s equally crass remarks moments later, is hypocrisy.

I also don’t think any of the guys on the date (besides Tanner possibly) knew who the f*ck Nick was until they were briefed by producers. After being cast, some of the guys might have gone back and watched a couple of episodes of last year’s Bachelorette to see what they were getting into but come on… this isn’t a show for guys and I’m pretty sure dudes in their 20s would want to tear their eyes out after a few episodes, maybe less.

Kaitlyn leaves the guys and heads out onto the dock. I’m sure it was just for some fresh air. Conveniently, Nick is waiting at the end of the pier. They hug each other but it’s not like a friend hug. It’s more of like a I-only-just-met-you-but-I-already-want-to-screw-your-brains-out hug.

Kaitlyn mentions her concerns to Nick, the same concerns that any lead in the history of the show have expressed whenever someone wants to crash the season. She doesn’t want to be impolite to the other guys but she also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity.

One of the most obnoxious parts of this franchise to me is the persistent desire of the lead to cater to their suitors’ (suitoresses’?) feelings to the point of absurdity. You’re gonna break hearts. I do subscribe to the notion that all is fair in love and war. You cannot change who you love so if someone loves you and you don’t feel the same way, it’s their sh*tty luck and they have to deal with it as we all do during the course of our lives. I think the worst thing you can do is be too polite and lead people on. It’s an insult to their intelligence and an overestimation of your ultimate importance in that person’s life.

Be kind but firm. And be quick about it. That’s my motto. Life is short and time is precious. Break the hearts you have to break and move on so they can move on. And this is why I have such a great appreciation for Nick. He doesn’t f*ck around about love.

Nick: “At the end of the day, you just gotta do what you need to do.”

And what Nick needed to do in that moment was nearly smoke the pants off of Kaitlyn by giving her one of the hottest kisses she’s received thus far as The Bachelorette. Shawn’s gonna need to step up his game.

Congratulations, Nick Viall, on being the first non-contestant to kiss a lead of either The Bachelor or Bachelorette during their season. The boy moves fast and I suspect Kaitlyn would say “he’s got wheels”.

Kaitlyn tells Nick she needs to sleep with him… wait! I meant she tells him she needs to sleep on the decision. Okay, Kaitlyn but you know and any woman with any experience knows you made up your mind the second you let him kiss you.

Back at the hotel, the one-on-one date card arrives. It’s for Jared. Yawn.

Kaitlyn goes back on the boat and talks to the guys about Nick some more to get their input. Most of the guys are at a loss. Only Justin steps up to the plate and says it’s really her journey and he’s comfortable with whatever she decides she needs to do. Ding! Ding! Ding! Right answer. You, sir, get a rose. The least meaningful rose in Bachelor(ette) history but you get to be on TV a little while longer and possibly travel to an exotic location.

Ben Z. and Shawn are eating their hearts out when they see Justin get the rose. Don’t worry, boys. You’ll outlast him.

The guys on the date get back to the hotel room and tell the other guys about Nick’s possible return. It’s met with mixed reactions, mostly negative. Surprise, surprise.

Decision Day

The next day opens on a foggy New York morning. The music is somber over Kaitlyn’s ADR bemoaning the stress of her unfortunate position of having to potentially add another hot guy to her season’s roster.

She thinks talking to someone will give her some clarity. So she decides to talk to crazy Ashley, the chick who mistook a pomegranate for an onion on the season premiere of Chris Soules’ season? I could think of other people I’d rather get love advice from. Tony, plant-man, comes to mind.

But Kaitlyn insists Ashley is actually very intelligent. So intelligent that she pronounces Nick’s last name, Vill-all. I admit, it’s a tricky name to pronounce from just looking at it but where did the extra “L” come from, Ash? I think it is actually pronounced “vial” but don’t take my word for it.

This visit is supposed to serve a dual purpose: Ashley is going to do Kaitlyn’s hair for her fancy date with Jared and get her advice about Nick then meet with Nick to give him her decision. Note to ABC: if you’re going to try to convince us that things actually happen in the order you want us to believe they happen, you might want to hire someone to check continuity.

First, Kaitlyn is seen getting her hair done by Ashley. She’s using a curling iron on Kaitlyn’s dead-straight hair.

Ashley’s amazing love advice for Kaitlyn regarding her instant chemistry with Nick: “It’s just lust.”

Thank you, Ashley. It’s pretty much just lust with every one of Kaitlyn’s suitors after only 11 days of knowing each other. It’s a good thing Kaitlyn made her decision before even seeing Ashley.

How do I know she made her decision before seeing Ashley? Because when Kaitlyn meets up with Nick to tell him her decision, her hair is in a dead straight side-braid and later, on her date with Jared, Kaitlyn’s hair is pinned up in the back with curls rippling over her left shoulder.

So she met with Nick before she went to Ashley’s salon. So why did they do this?

This is my guess. When Kaitlyn walks into the salon, we get a nice shot of the outside of the shop with the business name. If this is truly Ashley’s shop, they have advertised her business on national television. Why? It’s no secret the producers want crazy Ashley on Bachelor in Paradise this summer. Maybe these were her terms. I actually do think Ashley is much smarter than she lets on and that her psychosis was mostly manufactured primarily for entertainment purposes. It would not surprise me if a smart woman came up with a scheme to promote herself and her business by pretending to be a psycho on a nationally televised show that catered to her same demographic: women.

Is that what’s happening? I can’t say for sure but Ashley has certainly gained notoriety for her time on The Bachelor.

So back to the narrative that ABC is feeding us.

Kaitlyn meets Nick to tell him her decision.

She hems and haws a bit. Nick insists his intentions are genuine and he’s not there to be the villain.

Kaitlyn finally tells him that she’s there to find a husband and if she doesn’t give Nick a chance, she’ll always regret it.

Halle-freaking-lujah! I don’t know if Nick and Kaitlyn are gonna end up together but this season just got a thousand times more interesting. Love him or hate him, Nick Viall makes excellent television.

Jared’s One-On-One at The Met

I have no idea why Kaitlyn likes this guy so much. I predicted Ben H. or Shawn would get the one-on-one this week. Obviously, I was wrong. I was right about Nick showing up in New York though so I feel somewhat vindicated.

Jared and Kaitlyn have a nice dinner. Jared puts her mind at ease about Nick which helps her focus on the date at hand. Jared’s not a bad guy but he’s not a particularly interesting guy either. I don’t see Kaitlyn ending up with him but I may have to adjust my predictions about how far he’ll go. He may get to final four and I don’t know who he’ll replace in my list.

After their dinner at The Met, Kaitlyn and Jared take a helicopter ride around the city. This is the most predictable date ever. I’m glad when it’s over.

Back at the house, the final group date card arrives:

• Ian
• Chris
• Joe
• Joshua
• Ben H.

Kaitlyn comes in shortly afterwards and let’s the guys know Nick will be moving in. Deal sealed.

Ryan B. in an ITM: “There’s tons of guys out there. It’s just when does it stop?”

He has a point. Many times too many options are worse than too few but on the other hand, for most guys, finding a wife or girlfriend is a different kind of search than the search for a husband. A man has to be able to get into a woman’s mind and heart for her to even think about making him her husband and the father of her children. For every woman, there are only a couple of guys she will meet in her life who can do that even though she has hundreds of options.

Men generally have the opposite problem. There are many women who can meet their needs as wives but their options are much more limited because women are so selective.

Nick is the kind of guy who gets in women’s heads (and pants probably). And he’s damned persistent in getting what he wants. Not in a clingy way either. He’s also older and more experienced than Kaitlyn which is a turn on for many women. Kaitlyn really didn’t have a chance against Nick’s intense, romantic overtures. He’s probably setting himself up for heartbreak again but he’s been through this before, I’m sure he’ll get through it again.

Next up: The “Play” Date

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