Episode 8 – Hometowns
First, we head to Baltimore to meet Eric’s family.
My god, this was the most boring hometown date ever but I do have some thoughts about it.
I don’t think Eric is anywhere near ready for marriage. The fact that Rachel is the first woman Eric has brought home is a huge red flag. It basically means he’s never had a serious relationship. Rachel is awesome but all the relationships we have teach us about ourselves and what we need in a long-term partner. If Eric has never considered any of his girlfriends long-term prospects, how can he possibly know that Rachel will be a good long-term partner for him?
I like Eric’s aunt Verna. She seems pretty cool. She brings up the race issue and Rachel says she feels a lot of pressure because she’s being judged by two different groups of people.
I do feel for Rachel having to be judged by both the black community and everyone else. I’m sure she’s getting crap for sending all the black guys home except Eric who I’m pretty sure she’s not going to end up with. Which means the first black lead is going to choose a white fiancé. I can imagine that’s not going to go over well with some members of the black community. It will likely feel like a betrayal.
As for white people, there are a lot of racists out there and I’m sure she’s getting crap on that front too. It seems like most of the people who fall into the “everyone else” category are supportive of Rachel though so I hope that will make up for the bigots.
Eric’s mom’s style of parenting is frighteningly misguided. She says she didn’t show Eric too much love growing up because she didn’t want him to become too dependent on her. It’s no wonder Eric hasn’t had a serious relationship. He probably has an attachment disorder.
Basically, if your mother doesn’t connect with you when you’re young in a loving way, it makes it difficult to form emotional bonds as an adult which is referred to as an “attachment disorder”. I have an attachment disorder so I know how difficult relationships can be under those circumstances. Eric really needs to go to therapy to try to deal with it before he attempts a real relationship let alone a marriage.
I got married before I was fully cognizant of my problems with forming bonds and the marriage lasted about a year and a half. I don’t think Eric will even last that long. I think if Rachel were to choose Eric, his problems with accepting love would resurface very quickly. Right now, Rachel is unavailable to him which allows him to form a bond with the idea of her without the commitment.
He claims to love her but you can’t form a love bond with someone who isn’t available. All you can do is bond to a mental ideal of who you want that person to be and how you imagine you will feel in a relationship with that person. Eric imagines that Rachel will be able to continue to make him feel passionate and excited about her and that he will be able to commit to her because of that. But part of the excitement is wanting something he doesn’t yet have. As soon as she becomes real and available, he’ll probably run for the hills as he’s done in previous relationships.
Bryan’s Hometown
(AKA Beware of Mom)
First, Bryan takes Rachel to Domino Park in Miami to play dominoes. I can already tell this hometown date is going to be about the same level of interesting as Eric’s. 🙄
I want to scratch my eyes out.
Bryan says that he and Rachel are a perfect match. Based on what? I can’t remember Bryan asking Rachel anything serious about herself. I do remember him mouth raping her on night one before he barely knew her name but I don’t remember him trying to honestly get to know her.
Bryan’s mom, Olga, is super protective and my gut says she’s overbearing and obsessed with her only child. She’s the opposite of Eric’s mom. I suspect that Bryan is too dependent on her and hasn’t fully formed an authentic identity of his own which is why he’s 37 going on 17. It’s time to cut the cord.
It’s one thing to be a part of your child’s adult life but it’s quite another to try to continue to protect them from all the evils of the world. People must be allowed to fail and to learn from their mistakes.
I will say this for Olga: She hits the nail right on the head when she says she doesn’t understand how Bryan has had the opportunity to meet so many women but suddenly he goes on a reality show and happens to fall in love with the lead.
My guess is that Bryan is suffering from something akin to what Eric is suffering from: unrealistic infatuation with someone who isn’t quite available. He can’t separate his idealism from the reality of what it means to actually be with Rachel. Regardless of how genuine I think Bryan is (not very) he seems to be a hopeless romantic who wants a fairytale ending.
What could be more romantic than finding the woman of your dreams on a reality show? It gives one the sense that only destiny could lead to such a statistically improbable way to meet your true love. Bryan even says he feels like it’s destiny.
Olga tries to remind her son that marriage is a serious commitment and he and Rachel need to get to know each other first but I think it went in one ear and out the other. Bryan wants the fairytale, not the reality of marriage.
Rachel talks to Olga and she warns Rachel that if she marries Bryan, she’ll be marrying a family too and if she hurts Bryan, she’ll kill her.
As Rachel and Bryan are saying goodbye, Bryan tells Rachel he’s in love with love her.
Rachel is very receptive to his feelings. I really hope Rachel’s family can straighten her out about Bryan. He means well but he’s seriously full of sh*t.
Next: Episode 8 part 2, Episode 9
[jetpack-related-posts]
I do love Rachel. I respect her, and feel like she is a smart woman with a great head on her shoulders, total confidence and self-awareness on her side. But if she lets Peter go because he won’t give her a ring, she may be crazy. A lot of people are saying that he just isn’t into her, but I don’t believe that. I think he is exactly what he says he is… cautious. He wants to make the right decision, and one that he can live with for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to get engaged to her and then be a laughing-stock if they break up a month later. I think he is fantastic, and he is legitimately the only one I could see as being the Bachelor. Although, wouldn’t the same thing hold true if he was? Not wanting to get engaged so quickly? Hmmm, it is a conundrum. But I tell ya… the boy is smoking hot.
Hi, Jaime.
Well, I guess Rachel might be crazy since she let Peter go.
I don’t see how anyone could think Peter wasn’t into her after the finale. I read that that final “argument” lasted 3 hours. We only got to see about 10 minutes of it. You don’t have an emotional discussion drag on that long if you aren’t invested in that person.
I’m not sure how he could be the Bachelor if he can’t make a decision quickly about getting engaged but I’d be happy to watch his season even if he pulled a Juan Pablo at the end. I’d rather watch something compelling without a ring than something generic with one.
I’ve always thought it was silly for people to get engaged at the end. It’s only worked out a few times in 30 something seasons of the franchise.
I agree with you that Peter is a smoke show. The silvery hair and silver green eyes really does it for me. It’s an unusual combination.
Thanks for the feedback and support. I always appreciate your feedback! 🙂
One more, b/c it was too long of a comment apparently. Sorry.
Eric is a sweet kid, but that is exactly what he is to me, a KID. And he happens to drive me up the wall. Truly, madly, deeply drives me crazy. I just can’t with him. Yeesh
Dean, to me, is one of the best of the bunch. I have a ton of love for him, and my heart goes out to him. He is precious, funny, kind. He will be an amazing husband and father one day. However, you are right that he needs some counseling. Not because he is crazy by any means, but he has so much packed inside himself that he refuses to let out and it is eating him away. He needs to be able to let it go, and move forward. THEN he could have an amazing life with an awesome woman. And he is dang cute.
And Brian. I really have nothing to say except I don’t buy it and his mom needs to chill the f*&% OUT. But I think he will be her pick. We will have to wait and see.
Well, I agree with you on every point. I guess Eric turned it around for me at the finale. He had been annoying but Eric the man showed up to that last rose ceremony. I was very impressed.
I forgot to say in my last response to you that Peter may be gunning for the Bachelor gig now since Rachel was pretty nasty in a very subtle way on ATFR when his feelings were raw. I can see him looking for payback. And I have no doubt he’ll get it. No one on the BIP lineup can compete.
I didn’t want to believe she would choose Bryan but she did. It was disappointing. I do hope she finds happiness though because I like her a lot. I don’t like the way she handled herself on ATFR but I understood it. Too many feelings between her and Peter. She didn’t want to get distracted from her goal.
Thanks for taking the time to write. I really appreciate it! I hope you’re doing well 🙂
Hi Emily,
Great recap! You have wonderful insight into the human condition……that paired with a fantastic sense of humor, make you a very entertaining blogger. I will truely miss your writings! Thanks for the laughs!
Hi, Rachel.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m really tired which is why I probably won’t cover Paradise but if Peter is the Bachelor, I will definitely cover his season. If it’s someone else, probably not.
I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my blog. I really appreciate your readership and for taking time to comment on my blog.
Thank you! 🙂
Thanks for the recap! That was quite a large bite for you to swallow, but you managed to cover it all!
So– everyone I know that watches the show falls into one of two camps regarding their feelings about Peter. Camp 1: Peter is a good guy, who is completely normal for not yet being sure he wants to marry Rachel after barely being in her presence. He knew what he was getting into, and knew the show is supposed to end with a proposal. He probably thought he could get there in time with his feelings, but is finding that he just can’t. (I fall into this camp.) Camp 2: Peter is a conniving wretch whose plan all along was to play his cards right and end up as the next bachelor.
Anyway, I guess time will tell, but I prefer to give him the benefit of the doubt for now. 🙂 Thanks again for the recap!
Hi, Melissa.
Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I had no idea there was a divide until you told me but I’ve been seeing it in a lot of comments sections of different articles about the show.
I’m baffled by it. People are saying Peter is a commitment phobe because he didn’t want to propose to Rachel after knowing her for a handful of hours while she was dating other men. I don’t think any sane person would think that was a good idea which is one of the issues I have with this franchise.
I think people also forget that these people are on a television set for 6 weeks while they’re trying to get to know each other. I read that the final discussion/argument between Rachel and Peter lasted 3 hours. For 3 hours they were trying to figure out how to make it work while 10 or so crew members were following them around.
All the intimate moments we see are being watched by a large crew of people. How are you supposed to get any sense of reality of what it’s like to be with someone when all that is going on?
I also don’t think people realize that in order to be on camera, you have to have big bright lights shining in your face all the time. How annoying is that when you’re trying to figure out if you want to marry someone?
The whole thing is very unnatural and it doesn’t surprise me at all when people occasionally come along and remind us the emperor is wearing no clothes.
It’s weird for me to have to defend Peter. I could see why people didn’t like Nick and I defended him a lot, especially after Andi’s season. But Peter? Why do people think he’s faking it? I just don’t see it. I know that he said in a high school yearbook that he wanted to be on the Bachelor but that was almost half his life ago. I don’t think he held on to that dream all these years. He could have easily gotten on the show before now if it was really a serious goal.
Anyway, thank you for your feedback and support. Always appreciated! 🙂
I was disappointed to see Dean is going on BIP he would be a good bachelor.
I thought Rachel was going to pick Peter because he is pretty and she wants the one she cant have either.
Then I thought she was going to pick Bryan after not getting what she wanted from Peter.
So either way not a satisfying choice or ending to this season.
Hi.
I don’t think Dean is ready to helm a Bachelor season but don’t despair because he’s going on BIP. Either Peter is going to be the Bachelor or someone from BIP is. That could be Dean.
Chris Harrison said they were going to see how BIP went before choosing a Bachelor because they chose Nick last year.
I wish Rachel had chosen Peter not because I thought she couldn’t have him but because I thought he was right for her. I still do but she was pretty mean to him on ATFR.
Thank you for your feedback and support! 🙂
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