Bachelorette 2015 Recap – Episode 9: Sex Bomb!

The Rose Ceremony

Just as Shawn finishes an ITM in which he discusses his misgivings about Kaitlyn and is considering leaving the show unless she gives him the answers he needs to hear at the cocktail party, Chris Harrison walks into the guys’ hotel room and lets them know there isn’t going to be a cocktail party because Kaitlyn’s already made up her mind.

Kaitlyn is shaking like a leaf when she walks into the rose ceremony.

She calls Shawn’s name first. Shawn says he needs to talk to her. The rose ceremony gets put on hold while Shawn and Kaitlyn have their chat.

Shawn: “I understand that there are other relationships and other connections. I don’t understand why him. I’ve told you how I feel about him…” So what? Because you think Nick is the spawn of Satan, Kaitlyn should too? Is this how you define ‘manning up’? “…I don’t understand why you would do something like that to jeopardize us.”

Yes, I’m sure Kaitlyn slept with Nick with the sole intention of jeopardizing your relationship. Does it not occur to you that she wasn’t actually thinking about you at all when she chose to have sex with another man? If she were thinking about you, she probably wouldn’t have done it. She was having a good time with someone else she has amazing chemistry with and she followed it through to completion which means maybe she’s not AS into you as you think she is. A girl doesn’t usually f*ck a boy on the first date unless she’s REALLY into him. I’m thinking you didn’t do well in math, Shawn, since you can’t seem to put two and two together.

Kaitlyn: “I’m here to explore other relationships because at the end of this, I will never explore another relationship… Telling you were the one halfway through was a mistake… If I’m going to tell somebody that, it should be at the end when I’m 150% confident. I love your honesty and I love that you care but you need let me figure out things for myself… You have to trust me and I don’t think you do.”

Finally, Kaitlyn owns her sh*t like a woman and puts Shawn in his place.

Shawn and Kaitlyn return to the rose ceremony. Kaitlyn offers Shawn the rose again and he accepts.

Ben and Nick get the remaining two roses.

Last week, I thought Jared would be in the final three. I’m really surprised Kaitlyn let him go over Ben. Ben is great but it seemed like Kaitlyn had a more natural connection with Jared. It’s possible that production pushed for that decision since Ben is the obvious choice for The Bachelor and it’s clear that Nick and Shawn are the frontrunners. Maybe they told Kaitlyn to drop the guy out of the remaining three that she felt the least connection with.

Jared is crushed but he makes one of the classiest exits in Bachelorette history. If Ben for some reason ends up being who Kaitlyn chooses (doubtful but possible), I hope Jared becomes the next Bachelor. He may not be the type of guy every girl dreams about but his exit completely changed how I see him.

It’s obvious that Jared is crushed that Kaitlyn is sending him home. He has tears in his eyes as Kaitlyn walks him out yet he still offers her his coat when they’re about to sit down on a bench to have their goodbye talk. Kaitlyn is crying buckets and even though Jared is the one who got rejected, he comforts HER. He even smiles and tells her everything is going to be okay.

And the cherry on top is his parting speech: “You’ll always have a special place in my heart. Just make sure you find the man of your dreams because you deserve it.” It’s not until Jared gets into the car to leave that he lets his tears flow.

Now I feel terrible for mocking him for being boring.

And Kaitlyn suddenly questions whether she made the right decision. If it were me, I would have gone back into the rose ceremony, yanked the rose off Shawn’s lapel, and chased down Jared’s car. Shawn is just a big ball of insecurities and jealousy and Jared’s actions in the face of heartbreak speak volumes about how much the opposite of Shawn he is.

Ben is surprised that Nick didn’t get sent home over Jared. Obviously, none of the boys get how strong a connection she and Nick have. But I do wonder why Ben said that. I trust Ben’s opinion over Shawn’s. Does he think Nick is shady too? He hasn’t said so but the only other reason I can think of him being surprised is if he honestly believed Kaitlyn had a stronger connection with Jared than with Nick. Hard to believe but possible.

The bottom line is this: Kaitlyn let Nick enter the season halfway through which no other lead has ever done. Not only did he make it past the first week she let him in, but he got a one-on-one very quickly after he entered the house and on that one-on-one, she slept with him. Ben doesn’t know the last part but Nick has also continued to get a rose every week since including a group date rose which was not a popular decision. She hasn’t let Nick go despite it jeopardizing her relationship with the supposed frontrunner and despite the fact that her guys keep whispering in her ear that Nick is shady. And now he has a ticket to the fantasy suite.

All that added to the knowledge that Kaitlyn doesn’t feel the need to tell Ben she slept with Nick lest he find out later leads me to the inevitable conclusion that this is a two-horse race between Nick and Shawn and Nick is likely pulling ahead because he can offer Kaitlyn all the chemistry she has with Shawn plus the intellectual connection that Shawn can’t. And to quote Shawn, not a single part of me feels bad about that.

Nick’s Fantasy Suite Date

Nick is worried that he’s had the least amount of time with Kaitlyn out of all the guys. Wait while I get out the world’s smallest violin. Maybe you weren’t there the first 10 days but you had THE greatest one-on-one date any guy has ever had on the show and you have to know that Kaitlyn choosing to break protocol and sleep with you before the fantasy suite put you in an exalted position.

Kaitlyn wants to make sure that her connection with Nick is more than just passionate and physical. Because her connections with Shawn and Ben are so intellectual? Nick’s the only one besides Jared so far that she’s had a natural conversation with.

During the daytime portion of the date, Nick and Kaitlyn walk around Cork, Ireland. They visit a cathedral and Nick tells her about his religious background and about his first confessionals as a boy. Nick is Catholic and he comes from a VERY conservative family. Most of his family belongs to a conservative religious/political organization in Wisconsin (Thanks, Reality Steve. You do the research for me so I don’t have to).  Can’t remember the name of it.

It’s hard for me to believe that Nick is as conservative as the rest of his family. He obviously doesn’t feel any guilt about having sex before marriage (or even before a relationship) and his openness about emotions and sexuality combined with his unabashed intellectualism don’t really mesh with typical conservative ideology. He may still consider himself a Catholic, but I don’t think he’s in the conservative wing.

After their visit to the church, Kaitlyn realizes her connection with Nick is more than just physical, it’s spiritual as well. I think I hear the bells tolling to announce the funeral of Shawn’s frontrunner status. If a girl connects with a guy on a physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual level, it’s game over. That’s the guy you marry.

Back at the tool shed (population Shawn), Shawn is fretting about Nick and Kaitlyn’s fantasy suite date: “I’m really upset and kind of disgusted because she’s with The Other Guy right now… I want to just focus on me and Kaitlyn and this guy just keeps getting in the way… ” LOL. The only thing getting in the way of your relationship with Kaitlyn is your obsession with Nick. And why are you disgusted? You know there’s a distinct possibility that Kaitlyn will also sleep with Ben on their fantasy suite date. Are you disgusted by that too?

During the night time portion of the date, Nick and Kaitlyn share a repast in an ancient prison. How romantic.

I don’t think he should have done it because it makes him look bad but Nick decides to talk some smack about Shawn because he’s worried Kaitlyn might choose him. Is he worried for himself or Kaitlyn? Both?

Nick: “I’ve gotten to know most of these guys. I go out of my way to see the good in people and I’d say there’s one person I have no respect for. Zero. I don’t really respect people who project insecurities and don’t give people a chance and people who brag about being Eskimo brothers with famous country singers because they f*cked the same girl the same night but they were first.”

I hadn’t heard of the term “Eskimo brothers” before hearing Nick talk about it. You can kind of guess what it means from the context but here is the Urban dictionary definition: “When two males acknowledge having been intimate with the same female and remain on good terms, the men are now bonded by having shared the same igloo at one time or another.”

Okay, I guess referring to a vagina as an igloo is kind of gross but also kind of funny because inside at least, it resembles an igloo. For anyone who doesn’t know female anatomy, only the first couple of inches are tunnel like and then it opens into a larger cavity. So any guys who think they’re giving it to a girl really good when they go balls deep, just remember, we can’t feel anything past the first couple of inches unless you hit the cervix which hurts like a mofo. The only extra pleasure that comes from deep penetration is that a male’s girth tends to be a little wider at the base.

I agree with Nick about Shawn projecting insecurities and being an all-around pisshead throughout this process but I don’t know how bad the locker room talk regarding being Eskimo brothers with a famous country star is. I’m not a dude but I’m under no illusions that a bunch of guys stuck under one roof together for an extended period of time are going to talk about all manner of grossness that the fairer sex need not be privy to. Is this typical conversation? Or is this just way out of bounds for someone who could be potentially engaged in a couple of weeks?

Would I brag about something like this? Let’s say I had a one night stand with some no-name guy before Jennifer Lawrence did. Would I brag about it? I don’t know if I would brag but I would certainly tell my girlfriends about it as a juicy factoid. I wouldn’t care about being first though. I think that’s more a point of pride with guys.

So can I really judge Shawn too harshly for this? Not really. And I don’t think Kaitlyn needed to know about it.

But Kaitlyn is grossed out when she hears about it and asks Nick who he’s talking about. Well, it’s either Ben or Shawn. Which of those two is more likely to say something like that? The guy who wants to spend his entire night with you in the fantasy suite bending your ear or the jealous, insecure guy who’s from the freaking COUNTRY?

Nick let’s her know it’s Shawn. Duh.

Next Up: More of Nick’s fantasy suite date plus Shawn and Nick’s fight

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